Are You Sure?!

Except my tshirt would say....

"Can't DRIVE"

"Won't COOK"

"Drinks DR PEPPER"

And by the way, the TSHIRT doesn't work....

The first words out of my mouth after our bishop extended the call were....

"Are you sure?!?!?, you know I don't drive right?!?! 

He reassured me over and over that he hadn't made a mistake and that I just needed to call councillors who could do what I could not...

I wondered and wondered in the days before I was sustained...how the heck I could do what had been asked.

It's hard not to see all your own short comings and weaknesses and trials and family circumstances and not think of the hundreds of reasons sister____ or sister_____ would be a better choice. What about this? And that? ....

I struggled and prayed continually in those day for reassurance and comfort....

 " I will help you " was the answer that kept coming.

Sunday was so special and humbling and emotional...

Dallyn, my baby was ordained a priest.

I was set apart as Relief Society president.

and we remembered my Mom, who said goodbye on a Sunday 12 years before.

I still feel overwhelmed but I am grateful to serve with the amazing Sisters in the Courtenay Ward.

 

Love'im Up.

When I need advice is when I miss my Mom and Dad the most, which is funny because neither were much for giving it...But still I miss being able to share with them the joys and even some of the sorrows....

Dear friends have been my compensatory blessing in this life, and have always filled the gaps, when my heart longs for a mother's or father's love...

Such a call came a few days ago...we talked of joys and worries, pains and hope...and somewhere in the middle, she shared a story of an orphaned calf they had taken in long ago. Worried about how to care for their new charge, they inquired of the farmer what to do....

"Oh just LOVE 'im up! " they were told. "So we did..."

Love 'im up.

When you don't know what to do just love them.

Sage advice...

How often, when I've prayed for my husband, my kids, my friends and even my enemies, that has been my answer....Just love {them}. 

In the moment I needed the reminder, my friend remembered her calf and the long ago lesson of love.

Just. love'im. up.

Forgetting February

It's not going to bother this time.... It's been long enough...I'm over it....

But I only made it 12 hours into February before I was a mess and the tears were rolling. It was one of those Facebook memories, a blog post from four years ago...

After years of my Dad refusing all avenues and offers of help.....Adult protective services of Orange County had called my sister after an anonymous report had led to a visit to my Dad's house...he was living in squalor, his house infested with rodents, and he had had nothing but coffee, wine and cigarettes for months and had lost nearly 90 lbs in the 11 months since either of us had seen him...

That February we rushed all avanues of help possible to rescue my Dad, but it was really too late and he died 9 weeks later....

As I read that blog post the tragedies of other Feburarys flooded back and I was lost in the grief....

The call from the ICU in Lethbridge that Mom was on life support... "Who let me live??" was the first question she scrolled across a white board, while still intubated...She would live, but never wanted too.

The foggy February morning a year later, Mom won't make the night, you need to come now...jumping on a plane...mom would rally and we would head home, after a rather annoyed goodbye ...

Only to have the doctor call early on a Sunday morning 4 days later...she gone, she had a horrific fall...

We race back on airplanes for the second time that February, kids still in their twenties, should never have to bury a parent.

The cold Alberta wind whipped our faces, as we placed roses on her casket before they would lower it to its resting place, February was even over. 

In a month devoted to hearts and love, we have experienced much heart ache...something I wish I could simply forget, but hearts don't work that way... And my heart will always ache a little more than it should in February.