Not even 24 hours after I had left my sweetheart in the mental health unit at the hospital. Not even 24 hours after I had walked out of those doors traumatized and broken...
Another deeply wounding experience happened in a place that should have provided solace...
I had asked for prayers for Grant, but the announcement was refused. Prayers for Hawaii, but not my Grant. A text asked again, still refused. My tears flowed and by the end of the meeting I was sobbing, uncontrollably. One saw my pain and apologized, but there was no undoing what had happened. I stood, desperately trying to escape my pew. I saw the one who had refused and lost it. Sobbing loudly "don't you ever talk to my family again.". In that moment I forgot the sanctity of that place...
From there I ran, as fast as I could out, away ....
A friend drove me home. She sat with me while I sobbed. I sobbed for hours. Wounded. So wounded.
The hurt burned hot and deep. I would find no rest that day
Once composed I walked through the security doors on the fourth floor and sat looking into the distant eyes of my Superman. The hurt of the last 24 hours was absolutely unbearable.
Some did try to fix.
Yet others justified and excused only adding to my deep hurt.
Nothing could change the fact that it happened and should not have.
My heart was devastated that day.
The next Sunday, I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin and walked through the door and sat in that pew again.
I didn't want to be there. But my heart told me to go. I needed the blessings of the Sacrament.
Many have provided succor since.
I still struggle with it all. The utter devastation I felt in that pew that Sunday will never be justified. I'm working towards peace and forgiveness, that takes time.
Through many prayers and pleadings a unique answer came. Until your heart is strong enough to find forgiveness you can borrow MY forgiveness for those who have hurt you.
