I should be folding laundry, packing bags, vacuuming and cleaning out the fridge....But Ì just finished a dress for my niece and now I`m blogging...You know when you get to that point that there is so much to do your brain just shuts down....Well that happened months ago. :)
25 hours of driving (one way)....It will be the longest road trip these Krazy Kramers have ever taken and we leave in 36 hours. YIKES!! I' m returning to clean out my childhood home. But this doesn't feel like going home at all...Home is here, I like it here.
From the moment Dad died, I knew this trip was coming...Just like with mom, it was now our responsibility to clean out a house. Dreading it was an understatement. First I pretended like its years away...Then I thought up ways of avoiding it all together {going crazy myself, praying for an alien invasion, the house being struck by a meteor, real stuff !?!?}.. Then I pouted, you know the, life isn't fair, why me, this sucks, party...
Then just a few days ago I started to pray for courage...Courage to face my fears and that house.
Here what happened....nothing...I'm kidding...
Instead of all of the things that were flooding my mind with fear, I was able to focus on some of the great things...
We get see my sister and her family for the second time in six months...
We get to meet out niece Ava for the first time...
Cousins will finally meet cousins...
My sister and I get to spend our birthdays together for the first time in twenty years..
My kids will get to see my old stomping grounds...
Disney (at least Grant and the kids are excited)...
We are able to move forward from here....
Things have fallen together for this trip, most worries have been easily solved. I know for certain that we are watched over and blessed, especially this year, especially now. Now cleaning out this house will still be difficult, I live in la la land sometimes (its fun there ) But not now, sometimes we are expected to do really hard things. Cleaning out a parents house is a very hard thing but there is something about an entire family coming together to do it. The blessing in that is not lost on me.
I am grateful for my family.
I am grateful for the courage to face fears and the courage to go to California.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Carpool Geniuses
So the Superman and I had the pure pleasure of driving the rug rats across town to school this morning...The usual 10 minute drive is now more than 20 minutes (what happens when you shut the 5th St Bridge down). So we had an extra ten minutes to reaffirm why I could never home school. Between Grant or I telling them to stop touching each other, put back on their seat belt and telling Dallyn that his band instrument has to actually leave the band room if he wants me to sign his practise sheets... Here are just a handful of the comments/discussions we had the pleasure of over hearing...
"I'm not getting married "til I'm eighty-five, Cause then I never have to buy my wife tampons"
"If the van has stow and go (we are renting a Dodge Caravan to take to California) where did all the parts of the car go??"
My little genius changing every swear word they know by one letter....Trying to explain that changing one letter on a swear word, is still swearing..."So I can say the real thing?!?" Yup my point exactly (eye roll)
A mind numbing discussion between Madison and Dallyn on how to do the least amount possible in school, with the easiest classes and still graduate followed by Dallyn saying "So if I just take shop over and over again , I'll still graduate?!? Yup just geniuses.
So when the Superman say "GET OUT!!!", in unison, in the parking lot. What we really mean is: "We'll miss you! We love you. Have a wonderful day, darlings!"
"I'm not getting married "til I'm eighty-five, Cause then I never have to buy my wife tampons"
"If the van has stow and go (we are renting a Dodge Caravan to take to California) where did all the parts of the car go??"
My little genius changing every swear word they know by one letter....Trying to explain that changing one letter on a swear word, is still swearing..."So I can say the real thing?!?" Yup my point exactly (eye roll)
A mind numbing discussion between Madison and Dallyn on how to do the least amount possible in school, with the easiest classes and still graduate followed by Dallyn saying "So if I just take shop over and over again , I'll still graduate?!? Yup just geniuses.
So when the Superman say "GET OUT!!!", in unison, in the parking lot. What we really mean is: "
Friday, September 21, 2012
Talking Too Much
I got told this week that I'm way too open...And this person doesn't even read this blog or follow me on Facebook. Gosh they don't know nothing. "You talk about stuff I would never..." All righty then....
I make absolutely no apologies here. I am who I am. My life is my life. What you see is what you get....
I grew up in a Capital D dysfunctional home, my mom was mentally ill, and there were times we ate popcorn for dinner 'cause 9 year olds aren't really good at cooking....And we weren't aloud to talk about it.
I had/have mild cerebral palsy spent most of my childhood in some combination of casts, therapies, and or orthodic devices The fact that I took the short bus and peed my pants(often) made nothing obvious at all..But most of all we were never aloud to talk about it.
When mom was finally diagnosed, when I was 21. Nobody knew she was bi polar. It was an a private nightmare we weren't allowed to talk about, ever.
When my Superman dealt with addiction and mental illness, I was too scared and embarrassed to talk about it, reactions from some made me become even more silent.
When I dealt with post pardom, I was so afraid of being labeled a bad mother so I said little, if not nothing...
Nobody knew...
Then Mom died and my heart couldn't bare the burden in silence anymore. We had recently returned to Port, and I was in a safe place surrounded by friends who just listened and loved. Talking was the start of healing and the thing I realized most was...I was not the only one. Other people had dysfunctional homes, mentally ill loved ones and struggling spouses...
There was courage, strength and hope for me and my family, I had examples all around me.
Then this last year the rug was pulled out from under us...Illness, tragedy, death, moving, teenagers...But this time I was never silent. I needed help and support and prayers and most of all I needed to know where people around us stood. My attitude quickly became, show empathy and understanding or just shut your mouth and get out of my way. I mean that in a nice way.
Don't worry I do have limits I will not talk about politics, foot ball, NY fashion or breastfeeding :) how much the Superman snores...
What I want people to know is that real people with real lives can still be happy, funny and moving foreword...And I do it by never shuting up :)
I make absolutely no apologies here. I am who I am. My life is my life. What you see is what you get....
I grew up in a Capital D dysfunctional home, my mom was mentally ill, and there were times we ate popcorn for dinner 'cause 9 year olds aren't really good at cooking....And we weren't aloud to talk about it.
I had/have mild cerebral palsy spent most of my childhood in some combination of casts, therapies, and or orthodic devices The fact that I took the short bus and peed my pants(often) made nothing obvious at all..But most of all we were never aloud to talk about it.
When mom was finally diagnosed, when I was 21. Nobody knew she was bi polar. It was an a private nightmare we weren't allowed to talk about, ever.
When my Superman dealt with addiction and mental illness, I was too scared and embarrassed to talk about it, reactions from some made me become even more silent.
When I dealt with post pardom, I was so afraid of being labeled a bad mother so I said little, if not nothing...
Nobody knew...
Then Mom died and my heart couldn't bare the burden in silence anymore. We had recently returned to Port, and I was in a safe place surrounded by friends who just listened and loved. Talking was the start of healing and the thing I realized most was...I was not the only one. Other people had dysfunctional homes, mentally ill loved ones and struggling spouses...
There was courage, strength and hope for me and my family, I had examples all around me.
Then this last year the rug was pulled out from under us...Illness, tragedy, death, moving, teenagers...But this time I was never silent. I needed help and support and prayers and most of all I needed to know where people around us stood. My attitude quickly became, show empathy and understanding or just shut your mouth and get out of my way. I mean that in a nice way.
Don't worry I do have limits I will not talk about politics, foot ball, NY fashion or
What I want people to know is that real people with real lives can still be happy, funny and moving foreword...And I do it by never shuting up :)
Oh, Bother! :)
Uncle Nolan's Coming ! Uncle Nolan's Coming!!! My teen aged rug rats turned into 4 year olds on Christmas morning from the moment they heard of the impending visit...The fact that we were meeting Aunt Maggie for the first time (only Holly was able to go to their Wedding last year) only added to every one's
excitement....
Nolan is the definition of genuine, unassuming and kind, with all the qualities of a rock star. It took less than 5 minutes to realize that Aunt Maggie is cut out of the same cloth. We love her!!! The rug rats said, the minute they left the first night...She's AWESOME! Yes, yes she is.
What warmed my heart the most was to see how genuinely happy and content they are together. Maggie makes Nolan shine, really shine. It's contagious.
Proof that you can launch chickens, shoot each other with b b guns, blow each other up, dig snake pits and still grow into fine men, who love each other dearly. Brothers with hearts of gold. It's genetic.
Nolan and Maggie we absolutely LOVE you. Thanks for the visit.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Why Not, Nebraska?
Nebraska?...why couldn't Dad have lived in Nebraska? Then, when I say we're headed to Nebraska in 10 days...NOBODY would say..."Oh you must be so excited to go to Nebraska" Then I wouldn't have to explain to anyone ,that, for me, there is no excitement, the trip and the task ahead is daunting. And other than needing a passport does not resemble a vacation, anymore than an appointment with the gynecologist resembles a day at the spa.
But no, 50 years ago my parents decided to chase their California dream. So it's not Nebraska it's California. The land of botox and dreaming.
And I think I'm the only one one the planet, who would rather go to Nebraska.
"Well at least you get to go to Disneyland?"
Losing another parent and cleaning out another house... sure, Disneyland seems like a adequate consolation prize. I know that's not what people mean. But its where my heart and head are right now.
I left California for the last time 20 years ago, never intending to return. I did my best to put California and my childhood home behind me. The chaos and heartache of that place is something only my Sister and I understand.
I moved foreword and have a family and home that in no way resemble the home of my childhood. I know am so BLESSED.
But accepting the reality that I must return to California and that home still is a hard one.
The only consolation...This will be the first time in more than six years that our families will be together. The very first time cousins will meet cousins. The task at hand is daunting ....but it will be daunting together. I just wish it was in Nebraska.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Done Good
For the second year, we participated as a family and as a ward in the BC Thanksgiving Food Drive....
What an AWESOME way to spend a Saturday.
Over 4300 lbs of food was collected in the Comox Valley....70,000 lbs of food in our stake.
Yes, that's wine...funny part it was the Sister missionaries who collected it. My kids thought THAT was hilarious.
Unloading the truck at the food bank, I was shocked how bare their shelves were... The donations will provide much relief. Love these teaching moments for my teenagers.
Can't wait to do it again!
Friday, September 14, 2012
How Was YOUR Morning??
5:00 am: The newspaper delivery truck wakes me up as it pulls into the driveway
5:20 am Alex opens my door to tell me she's leaving to deliver her papers
5:45 am: I make sure Dallyn is up
5:50 am: I'm up, I might as well clean the kitchen
5:55 am : Dallyn mopes out of the house to deliver his papers
6:00 am : Superman's alarm goes off...
6:03 am : Super hands me his shirt on his way to the shower
6:08 am: While ironing, Alex comes in the door "Mom half my papers are soaked!" "What?, How?" "I left my cart outside at the nursing home...And the sprinkler came on"
6:09 am: I'm helping Alex lay out her papers to dry on the driveway....in my house coat (you. are. welcome. neighbours!)
6:10 am: Finish ironing, I can only find one black sock.
6:15 am : Alex jockeys her way into the bathroom and showers
6:23 am: Super kisses me good bye
6:31 am: Holly is banging on the bathroom door as Alex is STILL in the shower
6:32 am: "GET OUT!" "I'm going to be late for work!" Holly informs entire neighbourhood.
6:33 am: I step in to keep a homicide from happening as Alex emerges from the bathroom, "what?!?!"
6:45 am: Dallyn returns from papers.
6:48 am: He's now banging on the bathroom door....
6:53 am: Holly's searching for her keys, bag, not really sure...and leaves the house in a huff
6:54 am: Seminary student #1 stumbles out of bed and is banging on the bathroom door...
6:56 am: I intervene with the "GET OUT KNOW!
7:03 am: Seminary student #2 emerges and is now banging on the bathroom door
7:09 am: Dallyn informs me he can't find the mouth piece for his Saxophone (he had it ONE day)
7:10 am: Igo ballistic , start to explain that he will pay to replace it and explain to his teacher why he is so careless....
7:13 am: Alex finds the mouth piece in the bottom of Dallyn's case
7:14 am: I muster an apology
7:16 am: My sweet seminary students are destroying my perfectly clean kitchen...to make the perfect breakfast....
7:18 am: I retreat to my room as to prevent me from being carted off to the looney bin
7:27 am: Seminary students saunter out the door, stuffing their faces full of banana bread
7:31 am: I tell Dallyn and Alex to unload the dishwasher....
7:50 am: They leave
7:52 am: I'm unloading the dishwasher, In my house coat....
Us, Stay at Home moms really do have it ALL, don't we
5:20 am Alex opens my door to tell me she's leaving to deliver her papers
5:45 am: I make sure Dallyn is up
5:50 am: I'm up, I might as well clean the kitchen
5:55 am : Dallyn mopes out of the house to deliver his papers
6:00 am : Superman's alarm goes off...
6:03 am : Super hands me his shirt on his way to the shower
6:08 am: While ironing, Alex comes in the door "Mom half my papers are soaked!" "What?, How?" "I left my cart outside at the nursing home...And the sprinkler came on"
6:09 am: I'm helping Alex lay out her papers to dry on the driveway....in my house coat (you. are. welcome. neighbours!)
6:10 am: Finish ironing, I can only find one black sock.
6:15 am : Alex jockeys her way into the bathroom and showers
6:23 am: Super kisses me good bye
6:31 am: Holly is banging on the bathroom door as Alex is STILL in the shower
6:32 am: "GET OUT!" "I'm going to be late for work!" Holly informs entire neighbourhood.
6:33 am: I step in to keep a homicide from happening as Alex emerges from the bathroom, "what?!?!"
6:45 am: Dallyn returns from papers.
6:48 am: He's now banging on the bathroom door....
6:53 am: Holly's searching for her keys, bag, not really sure...and leaves the house in a huff
6:54 am: Seminary student #1 stumbles out of bed and is banging on the bathroom door...
6:56 am: I intervene with the "GET OUT KNOW!
7:03 am: Seminary student #2 emerges and is now banging on the bathroom door
7:09 am: Dallyn informs me he can't find the mouth piece for his Saxophone (he had it ONE day)
7:10 am: I
7:13 am: Alex finds the mouth piece in the bottom of Dallyn's case
7:14 am: I muster an apology
7:16 am: My sweet seminary students are destroying my perfectly clean kitchen...to make the perfect breakfast....
7:18 am: I retreat to my room as to prevent me from being carted off to the looney bin
7:27 am: Seminary students saunter out the door, stuffing their faces full of banana bread
7:31 am: I tell Dallyn and Alex to unload the dishwasher....
7:50 am: They leave
7:52 am: I'm unloading the dishwasher, In my house coat....
Us, Stay at Home moms really do have it ALL, don't we
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