Not Again?!

Goose Spit Beach August 2009

Its only been six years scince we lost my mom, after a long battle with mental illness and COPD. I never thought the phrase "here we go again" would enter my mind, so soon, but in the last six months or so it has.

Less than two years ago, my Dad had a scheldule that would make a person half his age dizzy. Teaching, Gigs, Rehearsals, Concerts, Tennis, Travel, Coffee. His days were full. But now...nothing. Opening mail or getting a hair cut seems to be a major ordeal. His ability to cope with the everyday stresses of life is gone. He has withdrawn almost completely from his grandchildren, friends and extended family. The joy and fulfillment he once felt has now been replaced by fear, aixiety, & depression. His obsession with boxed wine makes it difficult to distinguish between medical, mental health & addiction issues.

For the last year or so Kelli & I have been encouraging my Dad to make a move to Utah. He needs supervision & support. Each time he gets close he changes his mind. I do not want to walk this road again.

But I know...prayers are heard. Two of my Dad's life long friends have now stepped forward and offered to help Kelli & I in any way they can.

I have no idea what the future holds for my Dad or Kelli or I...But I do feel blessed with a twin sister that has walked this journey before, with me and will again; a husband and children who love me unconditionally; forever friends that have become family; and the knowledge that I have Heavenly Father who loves me and will hold my hand trough this.

I do not know why mental illness has touched both my parents. I would be lying, if I said I have never thought "This is NOT FAIR!" or "Why isn't my family normal." It is not fair,I don't think life is supposed to be, but I would not trade the lessons of compassion, faith, humility, & love I have learned and will continue to learn.

I love my Mom & my Dad... I would not be the person I am today without them.