Don't Ask...It's Been H*LL :)

Today was a really hard day for me, which I find kinda weird because, Things are really improving for us and I really do have so much to be grateful for....So please bear with me :) If you are already rolling your eyes please stop reading *HERE*

Have you every sat in a room full of people, amongst friends even, and felt completely ALONE?? It's happened often for me over the last several months and is a complete refection of where I am at and not that of those around me.

My Superman got really sick this summer, but the really personal nature of his struggles made it difficult to share our pain with anyone, even those most close to us.

Things are much improved with a lot of Patience, prayer and competent medical care and a crazy specialist or two. I have no doubt that we will be okay. But that doesn't change the fact  that when people say "How are you?" and I say "fine", What I really want to say is "We've been to HELL and back, but thanks for asking!!"

You never expect or plan these things in life, and they really aren't talked about much, especially when we have our Sunday faces on.

Sometimes I find the silliest things bring such tender feelings for me....

Seeing my Superman at church, you see the loving, caring man, I also see a humble man who is winning a battle.

In RS today we sang "Families Can Be Together Forever", I didn't make it through.....Nobody knows the work and sheer determination it has been to keep our family together. Even with all our knowledge about the blessings of eternal families, there were moments when none of us knew what tomorrow would bring. My heart aches even admitting that.

Watching my Superman don the shirt and tie and head out the door to work. I see triumph.  Even a month ago I wasn't sure if this would ever happen again.

We have lost friends and felt distanced from family because of this, I don't blame them but that doesn't take away from the heartache. I wouldn't know what to do with us either. The reality of an illness caused us to close ranks, focusing on family, feeding said family and only those things of absolute necessity (ie. feeding the dog). There are those who simply didn't understand. For that I am truly sorry.

Its been so HARD and I have spent the last several months trying unsuccessfully to convince otherwise. But who am I kidding it has sucked. It is just going to take some time to get my feet sturdy again. My heart is full of gratitude for those who have reached out to help us. Your kind words and actions have sustained us more than you know. So I really do know that I am not alone....even in my HELL (Sorry HECK, I almost forgot it's Sunday) ;)


I have written a private blog about our journey "In the Quiet Heart" (don't judge blogging is cheaper therapy). Let me know if you would like an invitation to read it.