You Are HEALED.

It was around 12 or 13, that Kelli and I would sneak out of bed to watch Saturday Night Live, Dana Carvey's Church Lady, our favourite....Kelli's dead on impression of "Who could it be...Satan?" Was something my mom never appreciated and I of course found hilarious ...

 It was around the same time I first remember watching evangelical preachers on TV, usually while getting ready Sunday morning for our own, far less theatrical, Sacrament Meeting...why my mom had a fascination with these shows I never thought to ask....the only thing I remember from those shows, the classic, palm to the forehead " you are HEALED" and then the wheelchair bound recipient miraculously walking across the stage....

In all our junior high wisdom we repeated our best Church Lady and you are healed schtick countless times a day for any audience, willing or not  ...so even now I can't hear the word HEALED, without thinking of those SNL / TV preacher glory days.

A sentence read this week put me right back there. {palm-forehead-you-are-healed}

It was a serious emailed reply...but I couldn't help chuckling first.

Healed.

For what felt like forever we prayed that Superman would be healed. That we'd wake up one morning and the struggle would be gone. We tried harder, you know with those commandments, and such...But healed, simply didn't happen. In fact, for a while it seemed the harder we tried the crazier we it got...

I don't know exactly when I stopped asking for healing, but that prayer hasn't crossed my mind in quite sometime...finally accepting that healing wasn't what we needed most, was a good thing...

Sure I still pray, lots actually....

For inspiration in the moment on that really bad day that came out of no where.
For a nights sleep and a better perspective in the morning.
For good doctors to be inspired.
For my kids to stop irritating me.
For someone else the strength to do the laundry.

It amazes me how many of my prayers are answered.... when I accepted that the one I thought I wanted most, would not be.... It's not that we don't deserve healing, everybody does...It's that HF has a different plan for us and I am learning to trust that....and when I think about it, we are given some pretty good  blessing to help us travel this (sometimes really hard) journey.....

So no he's not HEALED and I'm sorry you feel really bad about that....but really we are ok...honestly...no seriously....

So now to the really important stuff...
So, Kelli can you still do a mean Church Lady???


 

Sister Kramer: Sparks

it would be best to send it to syndey if you are sending it soon because transfers are about 5 days before christmas so i could not be here and the office would like for parents not to send things to the office during christmas because things could get lost and most missionaries live to far from the office to get there packages on time...so if any on else is sending cards get them to send them to send them to sydney before the 10th :)

things have been great this week a little crazy but great. my companion and i are planning for a double baptism on the 29th so there are lots of things to get done :) we are super exciting for it...we are going to be singing at it as well which i hope goes okay haha

thats crazy that you set up the christmas tree. we set up a little tree in our apartment last week its pretty cute:) 

2nephi 7:11

11 Behold all ye that kindle fire, that compass yourselves aboutwith sparks, walk in the light of your fire and in the sparks whichye have kindled. This shall ye have of mine hand

so in my studies the other day i came across this scripture and it kinda reminded me of the christmas season...that fire that we kinda is the light of christ that every person has within them and i think that christmas bring it out more i people.... they in compass themselves about with good works and those sparks fly off and touch the lives of the people that are in need. 

love you guys :)

Rock On.

Sometimes the mundane things we do in life, turn into simply awesome moments....Superman's stake responsibilities meant he needed to attend the Yourh dance/ activity Friday, yet another busy weekend and after the week we'd had, I wasn't sure we could do it....

But duty and begging rug rats won out, so we loaded up the Van with teenagers  and headed  the 75 minutes south to Nanaimo, in a crazy wind/rain storm...

Forced Christmas music , no wifi , and the drone of pounding rain made for instant slumbering teens and a very quiet ride south....

They Danced and we visited.

That was awesome! Everyone concured as they loaded in the Van....

We were positive everyone would be asleep before the outskirts of Nanaimo... 

NOPE.

Superman's iPod hit his favourite 80's rock ballad list and the teenagers in the back erupted in full concert ....not a harmony, guitar riff or lyric was missed! {Can I hear an AMEN to parents who know how to raise kids right}

Summer of 69....Crazy Train....Final Countdown...Total Eclipse of the Heart....

I instantly felt the privilege of the moment. A 80's rock ballad tender mercy.

Eighty minutes of pure, simple fun to end a crazy week.

Man,  I love our youth and the joy they bring to life and that HF knew exactly what my  troubled heart needed. :)

Compassion Conundrum

I. Give. Up!....I. Am. Done....$%^& My. Life.....

More than once yesterday I typed a variation of that into the status window, but each time hit the backspace button and walked away from the computer and scrubbed the H#$% out of yet another floor....

Tears never far from the surface. I wasn't angry or mad I was sad and tired. I hate days like that....

A conversation about Grant's illness and the lack of understanding we as a family often feel, left me feeling sad....so sad.

It's hard living everyday with mental illness.

So has I cleaned the house trying to figure out why I was so upset, I remembered something....Back 15 years ago when the illness first changed our lives...

We lived in a tiny town, had five kids under six.....I knew something was wrong with Superman but had no idea what lay ahead for our young family.....

I remember having to call dear friends to help me take Grant to the hospital for the first time....

Or the visiting teacher who was on my doorstep minutes after they had to transfer my sweetheart to a larger hospital with a Psychiatric unit, Sister H took me in her arms and just let me cry, no words needed to be said....

There were no...well you need to do this or have you tried this or are you sure he needs to do this...

The was just compassion.

Isn't that what we all need??? Compassion. No judgment. No strings attached, compassion.

That's where my heart broke a little yesterday...."Well people don't know what to say or do, because its mental illness"

"Compassion is compassion, regardless of the circumstances!!!" I blurted out.

....I just didn't understand....you never asked....


 The love and kindness we show to those struggling around us should never be quantified by how well we understand the struggle, ourselves.

Our family still needs that same compassion.

We didn't ask for this...There are days when it absolutely sucks....There are times like yesterday when I totally want to give up and go live in a cave somewhere, with wifi ...

But then the tears stop and you dig a little deeper for the courage you lost yesterday and after a night's sleep you take one more step forward.....

Pinterest Plagiarism

So I have till Friday to get Bailey's Christmas stuff in the mail...or I will be an even more horrible parent....

What the heck do you send a missionary for Christmas??? That is  appropriate, mailable, meaningful and not super expensive....It's harder than I thought and I'm also lazy....

So I did a little Pinterest plagiarism....

Some really creative person changed the entire Green Eggs and Ham book to "The Mormon Church and Brother Lurch" HERE  (there are several sources out there, so I have no idea where it actually started)

I had to do a few edits (Sisters not Elders) and cut and pasted several different sizes of Book of Mormon pictures and just started cutting and pasting.....

Quirky and adorable, just like our missionary. :)

 

I was going to make quilts, but I have run out of time....But then I found this ridiculously simple and quick pillow case tutorial HERE....and figured that would be perfect for Bailey and her companion....

These were my first try and I gave them to the Sisters in our ward....neither are from Canada and I figured they would appreciate the Canadian maple leafs more than Bailey and her Canadian companion....

 

Bailey's will be out of lighthouse fabric, fitting for Nova Scotia :)

 

Now I just have to fill a stocking with all things winter and we should be good!!!!

Sister Kramer: Much Better

I am doing much better this week :) 

wow it has only been about -2 here...... the branch here is great they love the missionaries :)

the work here has been a bit slow but it hasnt been to bad and we are are teaching a young girl that will be getting baptized on the 29th this month which is super exciting :)

Sydney is a great place it is quite but has alot going on are area cover most of the island so we do alot of work in glace bay, dominion, north sydney, and a bunch of small towns around that. the branch here is great the members really like us and are happy to have us here for christmas its nice they make you feel at home.

for christmas can you just send me a stocking full of warmth :) like boot socks, thick tight, gloves, knitted head bands for my ears many be even gift cards stuff like that would be so helpful  :) and i would love a stocking cause i think thats one of the things that i am going to miss the most about christmas :)

there is a mormon message that you should watch it reminds me of you it is called "you never know".....

hope all is well love you :)

Happy the hear she is feeling better.

I Remember, Uncle Bill.

{Wendell William Merrill, Jr. Lieutenant, Air Corps, Army of the United States}

My Uncle Bill had a quick smile, booming voice, and an endearing hardy chuckle that made the entire room join in. My Dad lived with his oldest brother Bill after my parents split, so for  a few years we saw Uncle Bill nearly every weekend...He and Dad were hilarious together, some where between old married couple and Carol Burnette show...bickering, practical jokes (dad would walk in and yell at Bill "TURN THAT TV DOWN!,", the tv barely above a whisper, Dad nearly convincing Bill that he was going deaf) never ending Merrill brother shenanigans....

{The Uncle Bill, I knew :) }

I knew Uncle Bill had been a bombardier in World War II, but I never understood what that really meant...until long after Uncle Bill was gone... 

{flew with the Ringer Squadron, on the Joyce Marie, assuming from pictures}

This last week I've been reading Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand (AMAZING book). It's about a WWII bombardier that survives against all odds...as I've read I've thought often of my Uncle Bill and thousands of questions I wish I could ask him..."what was it like...in the nose of the plane...flying in enemy territory...wondering if you'd come home....

Today is Rememberance Day and I pulled out one of the few boxes from my Dad's house and sorted through dozens of Bill's pictures from WWII...it felt a fitting day for that. Bill was a war hero, saw parts of the world most can only dream of, and witness the tragedies of war...none of which I never knew about him....

{second from right}

Today I remember him, honour him and promise to find out more about his service.

{in the middle}

Thank you, Uncle Bill.

Sister Kramer: Sick.

I guess our missionary is sick :( .....

mom this week has been rough i have spent the last 4 days inside our apartment because i got bronchitis :( being sick as missionary is not fun youre not allowed to go out in public so all you can do is sit inside and play guess the book of mormon prophet. i  think i have watched the movie "finding faith in Christ" about 7 times in the last 4 days and can probably quote it word for word by now

im not really sure what i would like for christmas...i will be skyping home for an hour that day but i am not sure at what time :)

 sorry this letter is so short 

Love sister kramer 

Medicated.

 

Superman and I say next to nothing as we drive to his scheduled appointment. Both of us are nervous, but neither willing to admit it to the other.... He's praying I won't say too much, I'm praying that I can communicate my worry without it being miss understood or trivialized....

It's been interesting around here. Not horrible, but definitely not rainbows either...

 And the last month or so I have come away from a few different interactions with others and felt misunderstood, trivialized and felt I had to justify ourselves, our situation and our choices...again...And that my friends has a funny way of playing havoc with stuff like courage and tenacity and my goal to stop swearing before I die...

We walk in to the familiar office and sit down and Superman gives me that look, which I totally ignore....

Over the next half-hour or so...we discuss things that aren't funny, but we laughed...we explained things that some can't understand but we were completely understood and validated and we made new choices and hoped for brighter days, ahead....and said thank you.

We climbed back in the van. Relieved, grateful and exhausted....

Psychiatry appointments are exhausting, they make us face our reality....One that others have tried to tell us isn't so...but one we have embraced, accepted and strongly medicated. :)




Medication is toxic...Medication is the easy way out....Medication makes you an addict....Medication is evil... You haven't tried hard enough, if you turn to pills....Before you medicate you should try{fill in the stupid blank}

Trust me we've heard it all....judgements masqueraded as a desire to help and inform...and it does neither...

Medication is our lifesaver literally and figuratively... significantly reducing the suicide risk and keeping mania at bay.  The longer mania is present the more the brain is damaged cognitively , (similar to having a stroke}  it took along time to get Grant's illness under control and damage was done. Medication will be required for life...it's a difficult reality, but it's OURS and we know it to be true, because we have walked this road for a long time and have trusted professionals that have guided us graciously along it

Medication is a tender mercy. How grateful I am for modern medicine, that mental illness is more understood today, that we have been guided to the right professionals and constantly guided in our choice of treatment.

Grateful for good doctors, good friends and good drugs. :)

Sister Kramer: Amazing.

so this week marks my 6 months of being a missionary! i am amazed that the time has gone by so quickly. I never thought that i would be here looking back and saying wow i am a missionary i have served the Lord with all my heart might mind and strength for the past 6 months! 

a story from the bible that i often share with the people that i teach it is the story of peter walking on the water in matthew 14: 26-31

26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.

 27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.

28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

 29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

we need to be like peter he had the faith to follow jesus christ to get out of the boat and walk to the savior. As long as we keep an eye single to the savior that when the storms and the high waves of life beat upon us we will be able to stay above the water but in those times of struggle when we do begin to sink the scriptures say that the Lord immediately stretched forth his hand and caught him." the savior will be there he will not wait to help us as long as we call to him. Jesus Christ walked on the same stormy sea as peter did the savior has gone through all that we have and will go through in our lives. he will alway be there to lift us and help us.

my missoion has been amazing these few short months i have had hard times and really good times and my savior has been there through them all and i know that he will be there for me through out the next year of my mission :)

love you guys take care!

Sister kramer  

Ps i know the picture our weird but a mission is not a glam life 

Six Months

As I sat here tonight emailing Bailey, the song sung at her farewell came across my playlist and I cried....the kind of tears that come from a mix of missing her and gratitude... but nobody else noticed, cause they're all watching The Walking Dead....sigh

This week marks six months since we put Bailey on a plane for the MTC, not sure she'd make it through the four airports and customs, much less the MTC....

She has made it and we are simply grateful as we watch Heavenly Father watch over and bless her and our family.

 Superman and I will often look at each other and say "that's a missionary blessing" as we have had so many tender mercies while she is serving...This week was no different ....

The main breaker at our house broke (no I didn't know they could do that either) The electrician could have easily said they don't make that kind anymore (all true), but the first person he called had the obsolete part...which saved us a lot of money by not having to replace the entire panel, when we told him we had a Mormon missionary, he spoke very highly  of us Mormons :) "Missionary blessing"

 Being a missionary is not something I think I could do, but I deeply respect Bailey's desire and dedication to share her testimony....

One of our sweet Sister missionaries (serving in our ward) bore her testimony today of eternal families...She has lost a grandfather and then a grandmother in the last few weeks and spoke of how hard it has been to be away from her family right now but then said " I am so grateful to be a missionary, I sacrifice 18 months with my family, so other families can be together, forever."

Having a missionary out has not caused instant glorification nor has it made us shoe-ins for "Mormon family of the year".....But it has given me a glimpse of the depth of love our Heavenly Father's love for each of  us and that when he asks us to go through really hard things, he also provides the comfort and courage we need to do that. Thanks Sister Kramer.

I miss her but I am so grateful.