Compassion Conundrum

I. Give. Up!....I. Am. Done....$%^& My. Life.....

More than once yesterday I typed a variation of that into the status window, but each time hit the backspace button and walked away from the computer and scrubbed the H#$% out of yet another floor....

Tears never far from the surface. I wasn't angry or mad I was sad and tired. I hate days like that....

A conversation about Grant's illness and the lack of understanding we as a family often feel, left me feeling sad....so sad.

It's hard living everyday with mental illness.

So has I cleaned the house trying to figure out why I was so upset, I remembered something....Back 15 years ago when the illness first changed our lives...

We lived in a tiny town, had five kids under six.....I knew something was wrong with Superman but had no idea what lay ahead for our young family.....

I remember having to call dear friends to help me take Grant to the hospital for the first time....

Or the visiting teacher who was on my doorstep minutes after they had to transfer my sweetheart to a larger hospital with a Psychiatric unit, Sister H took me in her arms and just let me cry, no words needed to be said....

There were no...well you need to do this or have you tried this or are you sure he needs to do this...

The was just compassion.

Isn't that what we all need??? Compassion. No judgment. No strings attached, compassion.

That's where my heart broke a little yesterday...."Well people don't know what to say or do, because its mental illness"

"Compassion is compassion, regardless of the circumstances!!!" I blurted out.

....I just didn't understand....you never asked....


 The love and kindness we show to those struggling around us should never be quantified by how well we understand the struggle, ourselves.

Our family still needs that same compassion.

We didn't ask for this...There are days when it absolutely sucks....There are times like yesterday when I totally want to give up and go live in a cave somewhere, with wifi ...

But then the tears stop and you dig a little deeper for the courage you lost yesterday and after a night's sleep you take one more step forward.....