A Very Good, Bad Day

It started the night before...

I text Superman, I was upstairs, he downstairs (yeah, I know, whatever)

You coming to bed? 

No watching TV.

Church in the morning??

Not going.

Why?

Bad Day.

 

I head down stairs (I'm a good wife, occasionally).

We try to talk.

JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE! (or something like that)

(Alrighty then)

 

I head back upstairs, scanning the day trying to figure out what went wrong, even though there usually never is a reason...

 

He seemed overly tired and easily frustrated, too much stress, maybe, but that's almost normal....

He had had an awesome day the day before...

But something had changed, the expression on his face, the tone of his voice, even his posture... 

Mental illness is so not fair. 

 

In years past I'd try to talk him out of it...point out how blessed we are, tell him all the thousands of reasons his mood made no sense. Thinking I could fix it. That was before.

Now...

 

Nearly an hour later I text...I love you, please come to bed...

 

Relieved when he crawls in next to me and finally  relaxes enough to fall asleep.

 

Morning comes and so does Church, I hate going to church without him, but I do...

 

It's hard when people ask where he is, but I'm glad when they do (not asking is worse) even if it's awkward and I fight tears and stumble over words...

 

Just a bad day.

 

"Well tell him we love him."

Thank you,  I will....

It's the unknown that make this illness so hard for us...

Is this the bad day that starts the fall? 

Or the good day that begins a flight?? 

We just never know and unknown can be a very heavy load carry...

Sometimes we are filled with courage able to stand tall with the load placed squarely on our shoulders...and other times I feel like an ant trying to drag an unwilling elephant. Sometimes I'm able to see the blessings and mercies in our lives and other times I'm telling God he must have forgotten us...

Tell him we love him.

That's the answer I always get when I pray for guidence in how to help my super hero.

So when I hear "tell him we love him" from others, I know they have prayed for him too.

It's good to know I don't pray alone.