Eye of the Storm

It was at the end of the worst week we've experienced with Grant's illness, ever. In fact we're still in the middle of that raging hurricane. Who am I kidding? Right now it would be so easy to just give up.  On. Everything. We are exhausted, misunderstood warriors, even helpful intentions can deeply harm us...

So here's the thing... you know when they say some of the most  sacred experiences can happen in our hardest times...well that kind of happened.

I hadn't slept in a week, caring constantly for Grant as his illness raged...

I was going to cancel my MRI on my foot but forgot until going was just easier. When I got to the hospital, they told me my appointment was delayed at least an hour. I was too tired to care. I came back an hour later and waited and waited....Someone walked by and said something about emergencies. "No worries" I said . The MRI tech came by 2 hours after my original appointment and promised 20 more minutes, just as another emergency rolled by from the ER...

Its then that I notice the male tech's shoes... Red Converse Hi Tops.... I smile.

{Oh HI Dad, I think. My dad loved Converse Hi Tops and usually wore bright purple or pink ones. In fact we buried him in Converse Hi Tops. The only bright color we could find at the time was RED and since red was his favourite colour, he was buried in a track suit and those Hi Tops.}

I watch the tech with the red converse pace the hallway, I think I'm in for at least another hour wait. It's then that the red converse guy tells me they are going to squeeze me in between emergencies as long as I promise to hold perfectly still for the 20 minutes. At that point I'm so tired I didn't think it would be a problem....

They strap me down, give me ear plugs and head phones and ask what music I want....classical, please. I know from experience every other playlist is garbage.

My heart starts racing as my mild claustrophobia kicks in...I keep breathing. They forget to turn the music on...seriously...

I'm laying there with nothing but the loud drone of the MRI and my own thoughts.

I think of my dad and those red converse and then I think of my mom and her dragging me to specialist after specialist, test after test as a kid. Gratitude floods my heart...what? gratitude?? I'm surprised by the emotion, but very grateful for it.

In my minds eye I see my mom and dad standing together, happy. Weird?

For the first time since their deaths I think to talk to them (in my mind) like they were standing in front of me. I know its maybe strange but the thought of such a thing had terrified me for years. Hurt and grief does that I guess....


As I laid there I told them how much I loved them. How grateful I was for them. That I forgave them for all the hurt and harm. And that I looked forward to seeing them again some day. And that I was so glad they were happy.


I felt the table move. "One more scan and you're done, Robin" they say over the intercom.

Fastest 25 minutes ever.

As I struggle to get my braces back on and put my teeth back in :) I feel such a sense of relief as I realize I just had the sweetest birthday gift ever. Thanks mom and dad.


My storm rages, but Heavenly Father has not forgotten about me.