Vomit, Vancouver, Flamingos {How was your day?}

"Where's my blow-up flamingo?" I ask Dallyn this morning when I finally decide to face the day....

Dallyn has missed 3 of the last 4 days at school because he likes to vomit just as my head hits the pillow. Puke makes my a bad parent, puke during sleeping hours makes me an awful parent. The first night it happened my first words were. "Why THE CARPET!?!?!"

 I know I should have asked him if he was ok, but that isn't how my sleep-deprived brain works....The boy initiated the carpet in his bedroom 2 inches from the laminate flooring in the hallway and 2 feet from the tile floor in the bathroom...Nothing like scrubbing carpet, after midnight while fighting your ever present gag reflex....Tuesday night he did it again....I was heading to Vancouver Wednesday morning, so I did what any great parent would do, handed him the big Tupperware bowl (don't worry we have two) sent him to the couch (laminate floor) opened his bedroom window and shut the door....

I have never been so grateful to get up at 5:30 am and spend the day at the Temple in my life! What about Dallyn? one of my seminary kids asks as I run walk out the door. Somebody can stay home with him and somebody tackle his room.... The blessings of a ton of daughters, somebody can always cover for me :)

Heading to the temple means an hour and 15 minute car ride, 2 hour ferry ride (the ferry now crawls the last km into dock, I guess they don't want another one to ram the dock?) 45 min- 1 hour ride through Vancouver traffic to Langley...But I love that time spent with friends (I was the youngest one in the car by 25 years, but I couldn't tell)....

We saw orcas off the port side of the ferry and the ferry slowed to a crawl so we got a good look. (I love living on the coast)

It was so quiet and peaceful at the Temple, and I was so grateful to spend two hours soaking it up.


We had time to kill on the way back to the ferry, so we stopped at the mall....

Here is proof that I should always be supervised at the Dollar Store....

My only purchase of the day, a blow-up pink flamingo (I have seriously always wanted one of the lawn ornament kind (the Superman thinks me crazy)) I thought he was hilarious and it made me smile the rest of the day. The family didn't find my new feathered friend quite as entertaining...."Mom you need help!!" Was their only response :).

A great day.

The sickie whined his way into staying home again today...so I made him work....pretty sure he won't be home tomorrow....

Don't you think we should name him? :)

Weed Wackers

Look what the Superman taught the man child to do yesterday....

Apparently running the gas-powered weed wacker is some kind of initiation into manhood (why and since when do we own two?)....I don't know who was more excited Grant because Dallyn could start the machine on his own or Dallyn because he was allowed to handle a machine that could inflict great bodily harm and property damage.

Men!?! Bonding with weed wackers, I don't get it, but man my yard looks pretty :)

A Lesson in Prayer

Rocky roads...the "this is my life" kind, not the ice cream flavour.... We all experience them. Times when we wish we were anywhere, but where we are standing...

Six weeks ago we returned from Utah after saying our final goodbyes to my Dad, to a house I had lived in for less than four days, the Superman could no longer pretend that he was "F.I.N.E.(freaked out. insecure. neurotic. emotional)" and needed some readjustments, I was overwhelmed and scared ....Nothing in our lives had slowed down...I just watched a second parent die, tormented. Wasn't that enough, for now....guess not.

For more than 3 weeks I prayed that Grant would get better and that my grieving would stop and that we would be happy. But the feelings of anger and resentment and commotion only increased in our home. The kids were at each other, the Superman and I were at each other. I just couldn't figure out how to fix it or even where to start...

Then the distinct thought came, pray and be specific....But I have PRAYED, trust me I had....I had prayed constantly that Grant would be better and my grievung would stop. But nothing had changed....Then this thought, but that's not what you need....If we don't need that,then what do we need ??? Peace in your home.

PEACE, Exactly what we needed....I had been praying our challanges would change thinking they were the source of all our problems, they weren't the problem at all....So I begain to pray  specificly for peace and ways to find it....Things haven't been perfect {"You probably wish I would drown in the shower, don't you?!?" was said to me tonight by a rather disgruntal teenage offspring, (to stop yelling yes, drowned no :)} But we have seen many tender mercies this week...Prayers and blessings answered. Problems haven't disappeared but ways of coping with them have come. Peaceful hearts have opened listening ears and brought a quiet calm, in our still very loud house. GRATITUDE

How grateful I am for the lesson on peace and purposeful prayer.

{Stop It!} Shopping :)

Holly and I spent the day in Nanaimo shopping, before the evening session of Stake Conference....

Now I'm no shopper and the mall brings on an (self diagnosed- intermittent) ADD thing for me.... But Holly wanted to find shoes for grad, so I agreed to behave myself.... Holly on the other hand has not inherited my anti-shopping gene and loves the mall...

"Mom! Stop it!!!" {Holly didn't appreciate my sense of fashion for some reason} ...

What? not me????

See I promised to behave myself until we found shoes, but this was long after the shoes were found :)  So I had completed my end of the bargain...She's just lucky I didn't try it on :) I don't think I'm allowed in Urban Planet again.(some how I'm just fine with that)

We then went to the new frozen yogurt bar (a treat I haven't had since leaving California as a teenager) The raspberry pomegranate was so YUMMY!

It was a fun day for me :) Holly? Well you'll have to ask her....

I may not always be the mom you want, but someday you will appreciate my sense of humour (or put me in a home ;)) But, I'll continue to enjoy myself either way :)

"Mormons"

" I had to abruptly leave Socials in the middle of class today....." Bailey said when she came in the door from school yesterday.

Now my kids would never, ever skip a class (yeah, right !?!) And they usually don't come in the door and announce it. Its one rug rat ratting the other one out...Anyways...

Of course I ask..."Why?"

So Bailey relates the following (in tears)....

The class was discussing world populations and the teacher had posed the question "What would drive a person to move from or leave a city?" The students were asked to write their responses on the board.

A boy in Bailey's group went up to the board and wrote "Mormons" ....(his reason someone would leave a place)

Bailey immediately stood up and left the class....

Did he know you were Mormon??  "Yes"

Was he trying to be funny?  "Maybe, but it wasn't"

Now I wasn't there and I have no idea how things were handled after Bailey left the classroom....

But I do know that Bailey was deeply hurt and embarrassed by the incident....

This is a first. Living out here they are 3 of 4  LDS students in their High School. But we have always experienced mutual respect and genuine curiosity...with the occasional funny question thrown in.

 I got called in by a teacher once, because she found out Alex was Mormon....It was a funny conversation as I explained that yes Alex could colour a pumpkin at Halloween, and that she  had our religion confused with another..The teacher then asked if there was anything she should be sensitive to while teaching Alex.. I deeply respected this teachers desire to not offend and understand Alex's faith.

Grant and I had a doctor last year , ask....{after finding out that we didn't drink, didn't smoke and had five kids} "What are you...Mormon?" Yup! "But only the one wife kind right?"  It was hilarious and we all laughed...

So yesterday really surprised and saddened me some....

I did email the principal (the class was being covered by a sub) and received an immediate apology and a promise that he would speak to the teacher, other student and Bailey. I have no doubt that things will be made well. ps.{Bailey's principal and teacher spoke to the entire class about discrimination in regards to race, religion and  democractic rights,  first thing this morning...and the student personally apologized to Bailey. Handled perfectly. Thank you.}

This has been a great opportunity to talk with all my kids about respect and understanding.

A genuine reminder that we can always be a little kinder.

Baby Ava Lynne :)

We welcomed a teeny tiny little princess to our extended family this week.... Miss AVA LYNNE was born Friday in Utah {but we won't hold that against her ;)} via c-section, adding to the long list as to why my favourite sister is truly Wonder Woman.... Weighing in at a staggering 5 lbs 1 oz...she is positively perfect in every way.....

Born six weeks to the day after our Dad passed away, Ava is heavens reminder that healing and joy come after every storm.

A cousin of ours commented the day Ava was born, "I'm sure your parents are smiling down upon you today..."

I shed a tear or two as I read that, not from sadness  ...The thought that our Mom and Dad were not missing a moment of our joy in heaven, truly warmed my heart. What a blessing forever families are. :)

The big brother and big sister, admiring the Little Lady.....Ava is one very loved little girl. Congrats Kelli, Jason, Zach and Mya. We love you.

Sunday Morning Circus

So here's my confession: Sometimes I hate Sunday mornings, okay maybe hate's a strong word, but sometimes I look forward to them with all the joy and anticipation of going bathing suit shoping with the female rug rats or school band concerts......


This morning was a Sunday morning epic fail....

6:30 am- I am ironing the Superman's white shirt and desperately trying to locate a second black sock.....

6:38 am- The Superman asks me to fix his collar and the moment I realize my head is pounding....

6:55 am- The clanging of the spoon against the Superman's cereal bowl from the kitchen is making my head throb louder

7:05- am The Superman shuts the front door and walks down the front walk on his way to bishopric

7:08 am The Advil bottle, is no where to be found, so I decide to trying going back to sleep....

8:35 am (Church starts at 9:30) "Mom is anybody going to church today?" Crap, Yes we are all going!?"

8:42 am I hip check Alex out of the way to get in the shower first

8:55 am I realize nobody has woken up Maddie or Dallyn (not my job...) "UP NOW!"...and yes you are going.

9:02 am I plug the hairdryer in the living room because there is no room in the bathroom.

9:05 am Dallyn's door slams, something about a missing belt

9:10 am Check on belt status, can only find a red one, wear it nobody will see it under your suit he rufuses and slams the door for the second time.

9:11 am The superman walks in the door "I can hear the yelling and door slaming down the street!"

9:13 am A lecture on patiance and parenting falls on very annoyed and deaf ears....

9:14 am Wait, why are you home anyways...."New meds causing bad side effects..." Sigh are you okay?" Probably....

9:22 am Can't find my checkbook, bag or scriptures...

9:25 am Walk out the door with Dallyn traipsing 30 feet behind..."With his my life sucks scowl on his face....

9:26 am Mustering my Sunday smile I shake our bishops hand and take my spot to lead the music

9:28 am Spot Sister W, realizing my head is going to pop off my body and I really shouldn't leave the Superman alone, I hand the hymn book to her and head home....

9:32 am Walk back in the door check on the Superman , find the Advil (finally) and crawl back in bed.

10:45 am Bailey, followed close behind by Dallyn ... "So you ditch church Mom""yes I needed to come home" Well if you get to be inactive today...so do we... WHATEVER ....they had a point .

2:12 pm I finally crawl out of bed.



Don't get me wrong, I know church is where I should and need to be.....But even this Mormon mom has bad days.Please tell me we are normal,  after 19 years why are Sunday mornings still such a circus???....

Playing in the Dirt /Positively Pointless Sewing

Proof that men are always boys at heart....

The Superman and the three middle girls spent Saturday out at our friends bison farm "playing in the dirt".

I wasn't aware the Superman even knew how to drive one.... he was like a kid in a candy store :)

My crazy girls aren't afraid of a little hard work...in fact they seem to love it....the rug rats have all found part time jobs for the spring and summer, yard work, farm work, fast food, babysitting. I'm so proud of them and it definitely takes the pressure off our wallets :)

So while they all worked.....I cleaned the house (the whole time) but really I mostly sewed.....in a really quiet house.

 

A positively pointless, Kitchenaid Cozy....Now you, see it, Now you don't.....

Everyone started mocking me when they came home...."What's next mom, a iron cozy....no a I think all the phones need cozies....no a tv cozy mom..." I don't care, its cute and it keeps me sane...something they will appreciate later in life..... me not being crazy..... not the cozy :)

Man, I'm loved :)

So this is a few days late, but that's how I roll.... Maddie's Mother's Day card is a keeper....

look close at the bottom left corner....

Her young woman's leaders refused to help her spell funeral, but she still got it right. That's my girl. She has such a way with words....only a Kramer.

Holly got me this table caddy and I LOVE it, no more setting the table :)

I finished the table runner yesterday...The superman even noticed it, now that's saying something...

My sewing frenzy continues and I made a remote caddy today....

Something to cover this....

We used to have nice stuff...now we just have teenagers :)

That'll do :) Now I somebody hid the sewing machine so I can enjoy the weekend.

Messing Up Muffins...

Step by step.

1. Made bran muffins this morning (from a mix, I made sure the mix had stuff in it I couldn't pronounce so don't worry I haven't turned into that Island granola head, yet) Its a miracle I entered the kitchen before 8 am.

2. Asked the Superman if he wanted some before work.

3. Buttered two muffins and handed Superman his plate.

4. Buttered my own muffins.

5. Grant, "Did you use garlic butter Robin"

6. Did I?, smelling my own muffins...smells like it.

7. Grant: "I thought they were a bit off"

8. Superman was nearly done his last muffin before he realized it.

9. Great now I'm going to smell like garlic all day !?!


Its not my fault and no I didn't do it on purpose (maybe)....Bailey had mixed up butter and garlic salt to make garlic bread for dinner, last night and put the left overs back in the same butter container. (Dad would like to personally thank you, Bailey)

mmmmm warm bran muffins and garlic butter....you should try it ?!? Sorry superman....at least all the vampires will leave you alone today :)

Nothing to blog about.

I've been hoping the rug rats would do something hilarious so I could blog about that, instead of how my heart really feels {overwhelmed, tired}..... We have definitely put the crazy in Kramer, around here this week...

 I even have 4 or 5 blog posts sitting in draft but they are either too personal or written in my mother bear tounge...So I've decided a few things....I will not publish a post written when I am strung out on allergy meds or drunk on Dr Pepper and 15 5 cinnamon buns, and definitely not when I'm angry....

Instead look what I made today while avoiding all manner of productive household duties.....

A valence for our kitchen window.....The kitchen needed colour, so I grabbed a pile of scraps and went to work (all the fabric is from thirft stores) ....I've never made one before and cut and guessed as I went....

I used painters tape to mark a seem allowance on my machine, I thought I was a genius...But I'm sure its all ready some where on pinterest :) Regardless it saved a ton of time in pinning and measuring....

Finished product...(of course my sink and counter ALWAYS look like this, :))

I am pleased for a first try...I will do a few things different next time.

 It adds some fun to the place I should spend way more time in making dinner and such. I just found out that's a daily expectation, not a weekly expectation as previously thought ;)...

Tomorrow, I'll make a matching table runner, for the dining table that apparently should eat dinner around (not just pile stuff on)

To All Me Moms :)

Years ago my sister sent me a card that said "Good mothers let their kids lick the beaters, Great mothers turn the mixer off first." :) Yup, that sums up my Mothering skills to a T.

 If there was ever something in this life that I felt completely unqualified for, it was motherhood. Somedays I honestly still feel that way....

Mental illness made my own Mother's journey through motherhood, challanging. Showing love and compassion was often hampered by a mind lost in turmoil but we always knew she loved us dearly...

Still, especially as a teenager, I longed for a mother that would hold me and tell me everything would be alright, and somehow I had convinced myself  that I just wasn't good enough for that.

As a very young mother I knew I was the one who would choose the kind of mother I could be and did all I could to be that ideal mother....The cookie baking, never raise your voice, my kids know all the stories from the scriptures inside and out by the time they are three, kind...but somehow I still yelled at my kids and burnt the cookies....I felt so inadequate and guilty...

Mother's Day was beyond hard, I dreaded the day. For years I wished I could skip the mind-numbing guilt trip....

Then slowly my mind and heart changed.

I began to see the mothering influence of woman all around me....Dear friends you filled in the pieces missing in my heart. Women who taught me to laugh at the spilt paint, to put a roast in the oven, to see the good in all people and that my kids didn't need a perfect mother they needed me.

 I'm not alone either, I have many"mothers" in my life who cry with me, laugh with me, celebrate life joys and lift life's sorrows and remind me often that I am always loved

So on this Mother's Day I honour you...my friends and "mothers". Thank you for all you do. I love you.

It's Okay I Still Love You.....

The ideal vision of motherhood has always eluded me.... My experience with motherhood thus far has never reflected a Hallmark card, not even kind of....but I still love them and wouldn't change a thing.

Even when.....

I still love you..... when you leave your scooter in the middle of the mud room, and I trip over said scooter, racing for the batthroom and pretty much pee my pants, because having five babies equals the bladder control of a puppy.

I still love you...when you tell penis jokes at the dinner table and I have to use all avenues of self-contol to scold you instead of dying in hystarics and you continue to tell jokes because making me laugh/blush has now become a sport.

I still love you...when I get two inches of luke warm water in the bottom of the tub, when I was expecting to have a nice, relaxing hot bubble bath...because an unrepentant  rug rat stayed in the shower 'til February

I still love you...when you roll your eyes into the back of your skull 'cause I can't figure out how to play fruit ninja or upload pictures from the i-pod and you have to help me, in public.

I still love you....when you find and consume the donuts I hid in the oven drawer and then try to deflect my wrath by lecturing me that  "sharing is taught by example"....I don't have to share darlings...they're donuts dang it.

Can you guess which kid did what???

#5, #4, #2, #1, #3

Motherhood is bliss, isn't it :)

Change of Heart

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.

"So it is."

"And freezing."

"Is it?"

"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately."

Yup, sounds about right.... I've been feeling pretty Eeyore-ish lately and this was going to be a complete ode to Eeyore post...After all its been a rough week and I totally deserve to complain and whine, right?!?....

Well I had a bit of an epiphany {aka had a chat with  my much older :) wiser friend}.....

Maybe its time to embrace my sometimes crazy life and stop being in such a hurry to change it. Now is a time for lessons and growth. There are big blessings along the way that I might miss completely if all I focus on the hard stuff....

So instead of my whoa is me whining....I'll tell you about my gratitude and peace...

Last weekend I attended our Stake Relief Society's Women's Conference....Dear friends taught a class called "You are better than you think you are"...full of encouragement....

Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such Child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion--as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually.

 Neal A. Maxwell, Source: That Ye May Believe, p. 100

We must remember that we did not come to this earth to gain our worth-we brought it with us
Ardeth Kapp

Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.
Elder Maxwell CR, 1976

Three of my favourite quotes from that class, but more importantly was the feeling I felt during that class and conference...I felt understood, valued and loved. Filling my very empty bucket to overflowing...

Heading to Port Alberni for the Timbre Choir Concert took a little finagling...but I manage to convince two friends it was worth the drive and there was ice cream in it for them  (which I bought so only one of us actually broke the Sabbath  ;) )

The main theme of the concert was peace....And that is exactly what we felt, and oh so needed. Hearing the best ever performance of "The Rain is Over and Gone" a reminder of what heaven must sound like.

Good and peaceful things, even during a week that took a little more courage than normal to get through,

As I look back over the last few trying days I am humbled by all those quiet tender mercies placed in our path. Things are good, especially when you count your blessing instead of your challenges.


See I'm not really Eeyore after all.

Top Gun For Real

The Superman and I had the day off together ... After a morning of trying to not hit each other with hammers lovingly hanging pictures together (can`t wait to do that again =/) We ran a few errands and decided to kill a few hours at the beach, but we never got there....

As we drove by the airport a bunch of people had pulled over and were watching the runway. So we did the same. Ten minutes later the F-18 hornet fighter jets started practicing take-off and landings. It was "Top Gun" in real-life, absolutely AMAZING! We didn't have our camera :( But Grant's ancient i-pod got this....Its LOUD !
 

Its hard to tell but it was so close you could see the tail numbers and the power made your teeth rattle...We watched in awe for almost an hour....Have I ever mentioned I love living in the Comox Valley :)

Soothing the Soul

Dad at his Masters recital at Utah State in 1968. The first recital performed in the new music building.

As a very young child, my first memories of my Dad involve music... As a toddler sitting on red velvet theater seats as my Dad conducted the pit orchestra for a production of Peter Pan and watching in awe as Peter Pan flew over head....Sitting in the stands during a High School football game as my Dad conducted the marching band, atop a giant step ladder, during half-time, while we drank A&W root beer....

If I had to narrow my Dad`s legacy down to one word, it would be MUSIC....

Dad taught us to love music, It is fitting now as I deal with his loss and the unavoidable grief, that I turn to music to comfort and bring some peace....

I love this song.... I first heard a dear friend sing the heck out of this, a few years a go and have loved it ever since. It is a song of hope and joy and reminds me to sing after each storm

  (I like the arrangement better with a soloist backed by a choir, but couldn`t find that version)

Dirait-on from Les Chansons Des Roses.....My Dad loved every style of music (except Rap, if you wanted my dad to start ranting you just had to ask him what he thought of the dreaded genres) Several years ago we were on a senic drive in Utah and he said  you have to hear this, it goes perfect with the view (I think my dad saw the world with a never ending sound track) He popped in a CD and flipped right to this track (His version was the Los Angles Master Chorale, a concert he had recently attended) There is a beauty to this peice that I have never heard quite repeated.It matched the beautiful Utah red rock perfectly..... He then sent me the CD a few weeks later and I would listen to it on repeat, for hours.....




Dad loved musicals and had either performed in or attended performances of most. But his favourite was "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown". He was the percussionist in the pit orchestra on many productions of this, And could recite every single line....

But the song I remember the most is Happiness is....Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band...Dad's happiest place in life was behind his drum kit, this song spoke to his heart.


Dad loved music, and so do I :)

It's Happy Star Trek (no Wars) Day, Right?!

I didn't start life a geek, but I did marry into the nationality....The Superman has forced educated me in all things sci-fi related for the last two decades....

And I like a good wife, have napped my way through most movies as my Superman was wowed and awed by this computer-generated make believe. Now the sci-fi gene must be a dominant one, because, in spite of all of my efforts the Superman has indoctrinated our rug rats from uteruo..

And this is the result....

COOKIES (made by the rug rats) in honour of May the Fourth....

Can you find the misspelled one??? GO!

Grant: "My work here is done."

Me: "I am so out numbered!"

Alex, Doesn't Fall too Far From the Tree

I'm onto my fourth female thirteen year-old, and I am no closer to figuring the (we-act-like-we-are-perpetually-stuck-in-a-mind-numbing-Disney-sitcom) oddly quirky drama queen creature out, five years later....

Jo (AKA Alex) our current 13 year-old is a smart, funny, easy going and couldn't keep a straight face at a funeral, if she had to, kind of girl....

Having a kid like this is delightful 99.9 percent of the time....

Yesterday the non-stop goofiness drove me BATTY!!!!

From the moment she walked in the door from school, I knew I was in trouble.

She did her pterodactyl and then flamingo impression,  told me the latest (inappropriate anatomy) jokes from the minds of her brilliant classmates and asked a "birds and bees" question...not sure if she was trying to ruffle my feathers or actually test my knowledge patience ...

She hadn't even been in the door five minutes.

I thought maybe a walk would make her knock it off  give me some bonding time with my two daughters (Madison tagged along) Instead they fed off of each other and by the time we met the Superman at work I was ready to sell both of them to the lowest bidder....

"What's the matter Robin, you're looking a little frazzled", says the ever observant Superman

"They're driving me NUTS!!" "Oh Robin, they're just having fun...."

"Five minutes later, when their spot on "Sing in the Rain" dance turns into , whacking each other with the umbrellas. Grant says "Knock it off!!!".... "Come on Grant, they're just having fun!?!" (I couldn't stop myself)


By dinner time Alex was in her finest form of the night....."Who wants to bless the food?" Dallyn is volun-told and as he starts our favourite thirteen year-old pipes up "I dare you to rhyme it [the prayer]" Alex enough!!! Grant and I say in unison...Dallyn snickers through the entire prayer, but keeps the rhyming to himself....

As soon as Dallyn finishes, Alex......

"Please bless this corn BREAD, that it doesn't make us all DEAD...."

"We are thankful for this DAY, that we all could gather to PRAY..."

See mom its fun!!!

 Alex STOP!!!

 Now all of them are have a rhyming prayer contest, Great all  those lessons on the purpose of prayer have sunk in nicely, I see :)

Grant to Me: "You know that ones (Alex) just like YOU!!!!" The only one you have to blame for this is yourself, Robin....

Now I would almost never condone such irreverent behaviour. But my heart so needed a good laugh
 And Alex, don't ever STOP :)

Housework-Avoiding Pot Holders

Other than walking with the Superman to work and back this morning, I have spent the afternoon totally avoiding my MESSY, MESSY house and making pot holders instead...That's still productive right???

I had batting left from the quilt I just made and the rest of the material are scraps from thrift stores....

Really quite quick to make ...I cut fabric strips 3" x 10" and sewed 5 strips together....the finished size ended up being 10" x 12". Nice and big...maybe I won't burn myself as often,{not likely} :)

*sewing tip buy your thread/ notions at the thrift store...I got a dozen spools of good quality thread for less the $4 and noitions like bias tape and ric-rac are no more than 50 cents*

And amazingly  my house waited for me :) 

My {fill-in-the-blank} Life.

Somebody asked if I was depressed this week ....(they asked only out of kindness) Nope just rather worn out....

{In the last three months we have had our testimonies shaken to the core, dealt with persistent mental illness, happily helped our dear friends in crisis, lived in a house that was for sale, notified that my Dad was in dire circumstances, told my Dad probably wouldn't make the night, packed up our house, moved, unpacked, had the car break down, flown to Utah, watched my Dad die, planned a funeral, said enough goodbyes for a lifetime...not to mention life with five crazy-busy teenagers}

Not depreesed, just tired.

Kay, not going to lie....I am sucking this week, especially in the motherhood department. I'm impatient and cranky and tired. Yesterday was especially hard and my rug rats got the emotional brunt of it...

My sister received our Dad's death certificates in the mail, allowing us to begin to take care of his final affairs. Kelli started with  cancelling Dad's phone number. My parents have had that number since 1966...46 years...I was surprised at wave of sadness that hit me. That was the first phone number I ever learned....I guess losing another parent means many goodbyes.

Then as Kelli read the details of the death certificate much more grief filled reality.....cause of death dehydration....malnutrition....atrophic brain disease. Nothing we didn't already know, but seeing it on paper, an undeniable reality. The time frame for each disease listed....Dad's atrophic brain disease on set + or - 20 years....

Even with my knowledge that there is a life after this and eternal families....Suffering seems so unfair...the fact that our Dad suffered and we could not help him, will take time and prospective to work through....

Luckily I have amazing kids who seem quick to forgive me for being an impatient and cranky matriarch...and seem to remain healthy and happy in spite of eating frozen pizza twice, maybe four times a week....

I just wish grief had a fast forward button.....and our lives had a slow play feature.