Anger (Well Yes I Is)

This last week....

Superman: surprised me with the news that Grandma will be here for Christmas....

-worked more than sixty hours getting ready for the Super centre grand opening....

-emceed the grand opening

and....

Some how, even though we volunteered for nothing, our family ended up putting in hours of service for a Christmas dinner. It's tough when original plans fall through. Our teenagers were less then impressed (they weren't the only ones really)...

Well kids think of all the celestial points* you're getting???

"Not if you could read my thoughts. Mom" Alex says through clinched teeth..... :) :):)
(*no such thing...A story only Grant could explain...something about home teaching Bro. B as a teenager)

Then Sunday morning Superman's cape fell off...he, exhausted didn't make it to Church.... But I was less than understanding....I was angry



Rewind....

Friday, I spent a day visiting with a dear friend. Something my weary soul needed more than I realized. She's one person, that sees right through my happy crafts and slightly inappropriate humour and seems to know how sad and overwhelmed my heart is right now. She knows everything about me and my crazy family and loves us anyways, weird (my biggest fear is that if people really knew us/our heart aches, they would leave)....For the first time I acknowledged to her how much I was still grieving and how much I am still overwhelmed by a husbands illness and my crazy life....no explaining, no judgement....She just heard me and made me laugh and pointed out my blessings....I am thankful every day for the wonderful friends like her.

Back to Sunday....

Have you every found yourself in a place where EVERYTHING makes you angry??? It's something someone said at Church, the kids didn't do the dishes, your son's been picked on at school...on and on and on...   For me its been building for weeks and months. Sure I have plenty of justifiable reasons...heck its the stage of grief I'm in (if you believe in charts)...But Sunday my anger erupted...What started out as a discussion about, I don't even remember, turned into a screaming match and then my Superman said something...

"Robin, you are just so angry!!!"

"Of course I am!!!!

"But Robin you are angry at the WRONG things and people."

I so did not want to hear what he had to say, heck, he's up at the top of my list.....

"It's not Sister so and so at Church or the kids or even me ..."

"Just admit it...you hate that your Dad died... heck you still hate the fact that your mom died the way she did! You are even angry that I'm sick?!?" "That's what you're really angry about...Stop finding everything else to blame the anger on and deal with what you are ACTUALLY angry about....."

OUCH!!! Oh. No. He. Didn't!!!!

My brain was ready to articulate at the top of my lungs how wrong he was, but...I went into the ugly cry. There was truth in what he had to say and my heart heard it.... {Superman redeemed himself slightly, as he hugged me and just let me cry}

Anger...damn you.

There is no magical switch...I'm still angry but its really the grief, loss and heartache and not that my kids destroyed the kitchen to make sugar cookies (sigh)...

I will be forever grateful for friends that listen, a slightly crazy super hero husband that still knows and loves me best and for do-overs every day....