Going Thru The Motions

I swore I was going to take this week off from Church ... I didn't really feel I had it in me to go. It's been a really difficult couple of days as I've watched my Superman struggle for stability in the midst of disappointment. He is only human, to most this disappointment would be a normal bump in the road.... no big deal.

But for him, it sent him spiraling down..He is so so hard on himself.....Only with years of experiences have I come to understand how quickly things can change for him, we can go from okay to life-threatening in hours. The worry (especially for me )is exhausting...We know what  works to stabilize him, and get help quickly,  but there is always the thought, what if this doesn`t work and we end up in full relapse again....


I spent Thursday and Friday just praying and going through the motions...I wish I could scream it from the roof top, Hey we're not ok over here...But instead I just told people we were fine, ignored the phone, told the home teachers, we were busy, cancelled anything I could and tried to pretend I didn't hate the power of an illness....

 For me, when things are rough, even the slightest negative critique or criticism of how I handle my Superman or family or personal life can feel ten fold and I just didn't want to pretend or add to my burden...so I just wasn't going today...


Well, guilt won out this morning...plus I would miss my awesome friends (yes I'm still a teenager)...AND it was testimony meeting and that NEVER disappoints in our Ward`:) Yes I`m going to hell for that statement and somehow I am just fine with that....

I knew it was going to be an AWESOME day (I`m serious) the minute a nameless sister, whose mission it is to get me to crack up while conducting, succeed in the first line of the opening hymn...a new record...

And no testimony meeting did not disappoint....


Don't get your knickers in a twist (anything British always makes me chuckle) this sister had a wonderful point about the up coming Christmas season, and not getting too stressed out . This really applies to me too, especially after this week.

Flying and drinking, never ever mix. (okay, not sure the explanation here...I had a hard time paying attention to the rest...)


The minute I get comfortable the Lord moves me to where I need to GROW. (This was said by a visitor today and really struck a chord with me, so so true)

See, Superman I actually listen, sometimes ;)




So I was still very much, going through the motions today and trying to do the best... I was surprised that I still got something out of Church....I felt loved by my friends (even without them knowing my burden) I felt a quiet sense of courage to keep trying and moving forward (even though, just give up was in my mind for days)

 And today....That was enough for me