A Tough One

Last week started out perfectly, I'm serious. We spent a lovely two days away and reflected on how blessed we are, and we really are blessed.

Well two days later I am giving my super hero the choice of calling his doctor immediately or taking his butt to the crisis nurse, as I am walking Madison out the door for (minor) dental surgery.

My mind is trying to say empathetic but its hard not to take the firestorm of a mentally ill spouse, personally.

I'm sitting in the dentist office, when my Superman texts: "What's the DR's bleep number". The fact that I have the number programmed in my phone, is another "only now it's funny" story for another day. I text back the number with a very insincere :).

I then text our friend and ask him stop by that evening to give Grant a blessing. I have no idea what else to do.

I am exhausted and just want to cry but its a little had to do in a dentists office.

When my phone beeps again I don't even want to look at it.

"I called him are you happy"

"Thanks sweetheart" the fact that I wanted to wring his neck was not apparent in a text, Which is a very good thing.

DR figures: The old med Grant had stopped a week before had not left his system (my superhero's liver is so special.) So the new med he had just started was essentially double dosing him. We weren't seeing illness we were seeing a double dose of the side effects that made him have to stop the old med.

 SCARY for both of us.

Three awful days and even with all of our faith, understanding and love this one was a really tough one. Its so hard to not feel like we are just meant to endure life and never enjoy it.

Our friends have been so kind this week. But I have had more than one aquaintance this week tell me that I am some kind of superhero for "putting" up with this. Well meaning (maybe not) but painful words. I don't need pity or rewards or praise.

I have watched a humble man battle a devstating illness for more than a decade, he has had countless times when he could  have given up (nobody would have blamed him) and let the illness dictate and devistate his life. But he is the strongest man I know and he hasn't given up yet.

And neither will I.

Small and simple things made today a good day,  hope enough to keep trying.