Maybe I Should (Shouldn't) Blog About This....

You know when family relationships, no matter how loud you sing "Love at Home" still resemble a comic strip cliche, a Honey Boo Boo dinner scene and a bad soap opera and.....you just can't blog about it.

Or you have a teenage daughters, who have  boyfriends and...you just can't blog about it.

Or the Christmas you hoped for with soft carols, drifting snow, cookies and hot chocolate and family left you feeling misunderstood and alone, with a Superman still facing a scary relapse and a heart still aching from grief. And...you simply can't blog about it...

Blogging is my therapy and more than a dozen times, in the last month I have sat down to express our reality and decided that the words we either too angry, too personal or too whiny to post. I'm not in the best of places at the moment and who wants to read about this less than celestial Mormon housewife's blubbering when they can read 100's of other blogs with perfect families pictured in coordinating casuals on a beautiful landscapes looking like heaven's just around the corner. With posts  about perfect FHE lessons (it's been months), well balanced freezer meals (do tater tots count?) and family gatherings where families actually want to be together.(yes feeling like an orphan sucks).

If that's the kind of blog you want to read...unfollow me...it's okay :)


I'm not really happy about our life right now, Well its the truth...

We pray, pay our tithing, are kind to our neighbours, teach our children to work for what they have, look for ways to help others but...

Nothing has changed the fact that Superman is sick and its scary....

Superman is really unstable right and there are no quick fixes or instant answers...and changes will be slow.

Prayers and hopes and blessing have not been answered in the way we hoped for or wanted. Our faith is tired.

We don't blame anyone or anything for his illness. It just is. So its really hard when others blame Grant for choices or lack of faith or whatever ...that its his fault or the ones that blame me as his wife, if I coped better or didn't grow-up with mentally ill parents I wouldn't project "symptoms" on Grant...(if you think I'm kidding I'm not).

Superman needs support NOT silence. The silence is DEAFENING.

Friends have been beyond supportive, expressed sincere love and concern, again and again but others who should be, simply are not....

We don't have the time, energy or desire to fix it for them. But our hearts are heavy and we can't let those, even if family, continue to cause hurt and heartache by hiding behind denial and blame and silence. Grant is sick...its that simple. How are you doing?? How can we help?? Are those questions really THAT hard to ask a Superman?? ...oops maybe I wasn't supposed to blog about that.but the load Superman carries, we carry is too heavy to carry in silence....

We are taking this day by day. Our only goal...keep a superhero working and out of the hospital. So far its working...

But we can't do this in silence anymore....