Mourning With Those Who Mourn

We were honoured to attend a funeral this weekend, it was one we wouldn't have missed. Sister Ruttan was 91 and had had a profound impact on Grant and my life during our years in Port Alberni. She was an angel here who never really lost her wings in this mortality. Probably the most positive person I have ever met. She was kindness, love, charity, and acceptance personified. That legacy is now reflected beautifully in her family. Saying goodbye was a must.


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"Mom, why do we have to go to funerals, they are just so sad?" one of my kids asked, as we were planning to attend Sister Ruttan's funeral, last week.

 I had forgotten it had been years since my kids had attended a funeral. For financial and logistic reason they did not attend either of my parents funerals. So Dallyn and Alex don't even remember attending a funeral when they were 5 and 6...

"We are encouraged to mourn with those who mourn," I say "and funerals are for those left behind more than the person who has passed away..."

"But Mom don't you find it hard, especially with Grandpa passing away, not that long ago?" "Sure I do but ...."

I realised in that moment that I have never told them why I personally make every effort to attend funerals....

{When my Mom passed away, my sister and I were 29 years old, maybe it was the nature of her illness but most people in her life had been pushed away years before. So when it came to planning a funeral Kelli and I were in most ways on our own...difficult, sad but our reality...

This reality was never more apparent, than as Kelli and I entered the chapel with our husbands at our side.. leading the procession into Mom's funeral... The chapel was empty...less than thirty were sitting in that chapel...no one had come... my grieving heart sank. The fact that the funeral was held in a large Stake Centre chapel made the sparse mourners even more obvious. I know that many factors lead to this. But it was horrible. At that moment I promised myself that I would never "miss" another funeral. At that moment I realized how important it is to mourn with those who mourn.}

It was a lesson I had forgotten to share with my children, until now.

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Attending this funeral as a family was a beautiful opportunity not only to honour the Ruttan's but also to talk about and teach the importance of "mourning with those who mourn"

Beautiful things happen at funerals. I think it is because hearts a so tender and families are so close....

We heard the most beautiful arrangement of Amazing Grace on cello, played by Sister Ruttan's granddaughter. I have never heard the cello played more beautifully. A perfect tribute.

The following poem was also shared, one I had never heard before.....It explains our understand of death perfectly.

The Ship
By Bishop Brent
A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says She is gone.
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large now as when I last saw her. Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her.
And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout – There she comes!
That is what dying is. An horizon and just the limit of our sight.
Lift us up O Lord, that we may see further.

I am so grateful for all the ways Sister Ruttan has blessed my life and my understanding that death is simply a goodbye for now....