A (one-sided) Water Balloon Fight

Settling a parent's estate feels like a one-sided water balloon fight in a monsoon.

Now I've never been in a monsoon, so I might be stretching here. But, I have almost drown once (twice if you asked my mother) so I have a clear recollection of getting deluged with water while being caught in a rip tide, swimming off Catalina Island...So imagine that, but add a thousand water balloons being pelted unmercifully in your direction every time you get you head above the waves for a breath.

My parents left a mess....

Both had stopped functioning, living years before they died. And the depth to which this happened, has become even more apparent as we (mainly Kelli) have unravelled the mountain of paperwork to settle not one but both of our parents finally affairs. Why both, now? Well my Mom's California estate was never settled at the time of her death, something completely beyond our control, but we are the ones that now have to clean up the mess...And yes it has compounded grief and frustration....That would be the monsoon, I guess.

The water balloons....

Last week amid countless phone calls and emails... we have had to prove that my Mom is indeed dead.(more than 9 years dead) A death certificate apparently not enough....that was fun.

Sort out title issues and have my dead mother's name removed from the title of my Dad's house.

 Try to prove that IRS tax liens from 2009 could not be my mother's, she died in 2004 and if you are going to file a lien you might want to make sure the social security numbers match, just saying???

Take seventeen minutes from the generation of a legal document from the lawyer in CA, to sign it in Canada, and fax it back, so escrow can continue, yay me, yay technology

Pray that the buyer doesn't back out, while we sort out this mess....

Now I know, people have way bigger heartaches and struggles than this and I am trying to keep all things in perspective, but this has been an emotional roller coaster.

I waffle from anger and frustration with those who could have taken care of this, long before now, but chose not to. To deep guilt for feeling angry with dead parents. To plain sadness for evidence of lives suffered instead of lived. To loneliness, because many around me simply don't get that this still hurts, way more than I want it too.

People usually mean well (I think?) but I am finding it harder and harder to talk about...I worry that people will think I should have moved on by now or that I am over reacting or that I am selfish in my own heartaches and do not realise many have it way worse than I do(oh and I know they do)...But it makes it hard to open up when people say dumb things (I should write a book). But here is a pointer..

Please don't say "Well.... you can have mine?!?" offering me your parent that is still very well alive and you are angry or annoyed with (its happened more than once)....I don't want or need another replacement parent, I just need a listening ear while I work through the grief of losing mine.

Last week started with almost no hope that we would ever see the end of my parents mess...to witnessing many tender mercies as we actually caught water balloons and now it's looking like things just might work out...This is NOT lost on me. I just need a nap and friends that love me , even when I am tired.