Mom's Day, We Meet Again.

I don't know what it is either? But D-man couldn't wait to give it to me, last night...."OK so I didn't inherit your creative gene" Dallyn says with a big smile as he hands it to me.

Mother's Day....we meet again...

Superman called from work yesterday and I burst into tears...Emotional. Nut. Job. That was me. Why??? When superman asked, I blurted out "it's Mother's Day and the only pants that fit today are my yoga pants!!!!"... There was a really long pause (pretty sure Superman was just muffling his laughter) "ummmmm....I...don't know what to say????....what am I supposed to say??? (he asks apologetically)....I'm sorry sweet heart."... Let's just suffice it to say they day only went down hill from there....

You're not supposed to hate Mother's Day...Get over it...You are being ridiculous...Motherhood is a blessing denied to many...Be grateful...What kind of woman are you???

I tell myself these things over and over again...but the harder I try to convince myself Mother's Day doesn't bother me any more, the more the emotions get the best of me....At the moment I am struggling as a Mom. Guilt mostly, I guess...It's hard not to blame yourself some, for an offspring's choices... Maybe it's just wishing and wondering if I had done different (yelled less, listened more, read Dr Suess more), things might just be different now....

Also this week I have had several times in dealing with my parents estate I have had to explain my Mother's death and why things haven't been settled before now...It drudges up old hurts, I wish didn't hurt anymore...

So between feeling like a failure as a mother (at least slightly) and never having a healthy mother/daughter relationship with my own mother, the fact that I am expected to celebrate the fact that I am a matriarch, feels like a big BIG stretch for me this year...And yes I know, I am not supposed to feel this way.

My rebellious move this year, the primary will NOT be singing any of the "Mother's Day" songs (I can't stand any of them, blasphemous I know) we have opted instead for my favourite song "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" (narcissistic, sure...but it will keep me from needing sudation ;))

I promise not to wreck it for any of you Mother Day, lovers out there....but if I seem slightly drunk checked out, emotionally unavailable, going through the motions :)on Sunday, y'all will know why :)