Ten Things Faster Than Telus

So...here is the quick back story {AKA why Telus, well... sucks}
Telus is our phone, internet, TV provider...We have had problems with our connection for months with no fix, finally they suggest switching to the new Optik service....that should solve your problem, dedicated line blah, blah ,blah...I schedule an appointment with a technician...

Original appointment is lost in their system and is changed THREE times before they actually show up this morning (nearly a month later)...
Technician is here for 2 hours and 30 minutes: Up a ladder, down a ladder, in the house out of the house, over and over... coffee/smoke break with 2 other Telus employees in my driveway (2 Telus vans and a Telus truck parked in front of my house) Up my stairs down my stairs...

Finally..."So I think we are finally ready to go" Technician goes to enter the codes on my TV receivers..."oh sorry ma'am, I forgot there is an outage, I can't finish this today" Ohhh??? " I'll be back WEDNESDAY, you wont have any service until then. "What?" How long has there been an outage? " Since yesterday, sorry about that..." he then leaves with all my tvs still on and equipment strung across my family room....

So I call Telus to complain..."Well he shouldn't have done that...but there is nothing we can do until Wednesday..." Well he DID!... Sorry ma'am..."Well you are just going to love our Optik service, once you get it, and we get the kinks worked out trust me"(yup you are instilling confidence in me AS. WE. SPEAK!) "Please don't waste any more of my time today," I say...

Bunch of bone heads...So here are the top ten things that I could do faster than Telus hooking up my TV...

10. WALK to the Telus head office in Vancouver including the 26 mile swim across Georgia Straight
9. WITNESS an entire life cycle of most flying insects 
8. MOWING my lawn with scissors.
7. WORLD PEACE.. I am nearly confident this could indeed happen faster
6. READ the entire works of Dickens in a Disney Princess voice (I'm thinking Cinderella)
5. PAINT my entire house with (Grant's) toothbrush
4. MEMORIZE pi, backwards
3. CROCHET sweaters for all the neighbourhood cats
2. LEARN Klingon
1. GIVE BIRTH to FIVE kids...oh wait I did that...all of my labours combined do not add up to the time TELUS takes to hook up TV :)

Telus get it together...do I need to call your mother?