I've Lied.

We're fine. It's all good. Never better. Perfect as punch. 

 Lies, all of them. (At least the last two weeks)

But it's what we do when the truth is to tender to explain.

For some a change (good or bad) in life is just a speed bump, that slows you some. But when you have superpowers, that small bump can trigger an earthquake that pulls stability out from under you....

We knew many months ago returning to work for my sweet Superman was not likely and that applying for long term disability would eventually happen. A process we both worried about...

Mountains of paperwork. Doctors. GAF scales. Phone calls...oh my.

An absolutely necessary process with a draining toll.

I watched and listened as Grant took the phone call interview, part of the approval process, 45 mins of rapid fire questions in an effort to prove or disprove his disability. Honesty his only weapon. The interviewer was as kind as procedure could allow but could not see the toll the questions took. There is a cruelty, even if required, having to prove an illness that rages on with no visible wound, over the phone to a person, four provinces away....

I watched weeks of stability drain out of Grant.

Within days we had approval. But my relief only added to Superman's sorrow. 

I feel like a failure, Robin. I'm the one who is supposed to work for this family. 

Qualifying for LTD, marked the letting go of a career, he loves, for now. Necessary, but devastating for him. 

So the last week has been especially difficult as Grant accepts a path, he never asked to walk. 

So we are not fine, we are fearful....we are not good, we're gritting our teeth... We are not better, we're...I can't think of something appropriate that starts with B...and as for punch, I could go for some spiked stuff right now. ;)

Just praying for stability to come quick like (my definition, not the dictionary).and that there is still joy to be found in this amazing journey. 

Love this....