But, I Don't Want to be Sad....

I have hated filling out forms since the moment I had more two in school....I usually have writer's cramp all of September...{SIDE TRACK: In a million words or less describe your child...Oh please....Am I a bad parent when I can only come up with 37 words???}

That writer's cramp has come a bit early....

The last week or so has been nothing but forms:

Passports
Birth Certificates
Notaries
California Retirement Forms

The paperwork is overwhelming and I am not even on the front line of it (Thanks to my best sister, Kelli)

{So nobody ever told California that my Mom died (Nearly nine years ago), So we have the delightful task of untangling and settling both estates at the same. And let me just take a moment to congratulate the state of California for their amazing clear as mud approach to estates and probate (Insert eye roll here). 'Cause like totally yeah, grief ain't hard enough}

"Please accept our deepest condolences at this time of loss..." Standard form letters, Now for both parents at the same time. Weird. The reality that they are both gone, staring us right in the face.

This week I realized grief has no time line, 5 months or 9 years, that piece of my heart still aches. No anger, just....

SAD.

Tears are never to far from the surface. I really don't want to be the grown up right now. I don't want to be...

SAD.

We leave in four weeks to clean out my childhood home. It's been twenty years since I have faced that home. I pray my heart is ready.  It's time for healing.

Life doesn't slow down when you are SAD. Not when you are a Krazy Kramer, ....

 I hate to admit how overwhelmed I feel right now. Is praying for Halloween to come early sacrilegious???

My heart knows I am not alone in this, even when my head tries to tell me otherwise. A dear friend sent this to me, a while ago. {She sees straight thru my inappropieate sarcasm and sun shiny blog posts, DANG her}

I'm not quite ok yet....there I said it.

I'm really kinda sorta SAD.