After family dinner the kids shared all their favourite memes and tik tok videos with their slightly confused, often cringing parents. Who even are you? What even is this?? It had been three months and there was no shortage of content. Funny, edging on inappropriate and down right weird. Their infectious laughter filled my soul with pure joy. Our kids are so funny.
Some how the conversation shifted: Remember when {so and so} sent me a message telling me I was going to hell...
Wait. What?
More of the story comes out...
Seriously??
Yup.
You're joking right??
Now all of their phones were pulling up messages....
Someone passes me their phone. I read and scrolled, read and scrolled. I swallowed hard trying not to cry. The actual words "You. Are. Going. To. Hell." were not there. But they were hidden in calls to repentance, in suggesting someone was abandoning ones family and on and on....
I'm now apologizing profusely...I'm so sorry. They had no right to send that...
Another lists several videos on repentance, they were sent with slightly varying messages of "Saw this and thought of you..."
Why???
Turns out each one of my five have received messages of this nature over the years, as they have each chosen to no longer attend church, and sadly more than once. Something they've mostly kept from us....
Before they left for the night, I tried as best I could to acknowledge their wounds and pour as much love into those wounds as possible. They knew I was upset and said they had mostly let the hurt go. But I know those kids and know when they hide pain to make me feel better...
I cried when the last one shut the door. My momma bear's heart brimming with hurt that felt a lot like anger in that moment. Why do people do that?? Their intent wasn't to cause harm...but when you send a message without an actual relationship built over a lifetime, without knowledge of the receivers deepest struggles and trials even the best intent is lost before the message is even comprehended. Even good intent can cause great harm. I know my kids and the mountains they have had to climb.
Grant and I have honoured our kids choices without an ounce of love or respect lost for them. No I have not failed and neither have they. Them not choosing church is not a heartache for us. Some may not believe this but for us its a non issue.
They are good and kind people and that is enough. Our relationship with them is my biggest treasure and I will protect that like a Momma bear protecting their young.
Let's just love without condition and let God continue his miracles through us instead of us wasting time on misguided judgement....mmmmmkay. I still love all of you.
