Thursday, January 28, 2016

Challenger




I had totally faked sick that morning,  just so I could stay home and watch it...
I was laying on my Mom's antique white in the upstairs bedroom of our house on Hillock View Plaza, in Yorba Linda, the live news coverage had just begun on our band new 20 inch Zenith color tv......

******

I loved all things space as a kid...Astronaut and space posters hung on the walls of my bedroom, and I begged relentlessly to go to space camp in Florida...I was positive I wanted to be an astronaut...but the closest I ever got, was getting that Astronaut Cabbage Patch kid I had begged Santa for....




So that January morning, my eleven year old self mustered a believable fever and watch the live broadcast...

The fireball followed by the "Y" cloud took minutes to register...

They're gone....they're really gone...

Tears...

The first tragedy I will remember forever...

In that moment my Astronaut dream ended.


Until we moved to Canada this poster hug on my wall....



But embossed in white lettering in the corner was a quote from Ronald Reagan....

“We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them...as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and 'slipped the surly bonds of earth' to 'touch the face of God. ”


And I have never forgotten that morning I faked a fever or those astronauts.


Saturday, January 23, 2016

Your Religion.




It actually surprised me when one of my kids came home in tears....

In a place where it is considered inappropriate to discuss such things, a near stranger, took a few uneducated pot-shots  at said offspring's being Momorn and then said.... 

"Oh don't worry I don't hate you, but I DESPISE your religion..." 

....well alrighty then...

It had been quickly and appropriately handled by the powers that be, hours before...but my kid was still deeply wounded by the surprising exchange.

We live in a place where there are very few LDS families and most people here only have a vague understanding of what it means to be Mormon. But I personally have never been met with anything but kindness and genuine curiosity when someone discovers we are Mormon. Even the one time a doctor asking if we drank or smoked and then asking how many kids we had said "What are you, Mormon??? Followed by "but only the one wife kind, right?!", that was hilarious...but no one has ever been unkind, ever.

So I was surprised as my kid related their experience, through tears. Despise is such a strong word, I can't think of ever despising anything in life, unless you count Brussels sprouts  when I was four.

My kid actually expressed sorrow and pity for this near stranger, after they were through the hurt and annoyance. 

I guess you just pray for them and move on...yup.

Kindness, you can never go wrong with kindness.

Truth is I still despise Brussels sprouts. ;)






 

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Steps Back

Even in the midst of miracles, it's a dance, two steps forward and some steps back....
After a positive few days, Sunday morning came and we stumbled. Frustration. Fear. 

Stay by his side today... I listened. 

It breaks my heart, when there is so little I can do to help him. Sunday felt like we were sliding....

"I asked _________ and  ________ to come give me a blessing, I hope that's okay...."

I nearly fell off my chair and had to turn away, so Superman didn't see my tears...

In the midst of an illness that distorts your ability to feel of  your worth and value and takes you to a level of suffering that makes you question how a loving Heavenly Father could ask you to walk this road...reaching out is an act of bravery and courage. This was the first time in five years Grant has asked...

Heavenly Father knew whom Grant needed that Sunday.

Sweet words of succour and solace and hope....


Some of life's sweetest moments happen on difficult days. How grateful I am to know we never walk this road alone, even when we are asked to take a few steps back. 

We are loved and blessed.














Friday, January 15, 2016

Another Slow Motion Miracle


I sat holding Superman's hand as tears roll down both our cheeks, the minutes tick like hours, in the moments  before we leave for a much needed doctors appointment.

December, probably our roughest yet, but we had little recourse until after the holidays....

We needed help, but the fear and worry were overwhelming as we wondered what that help might look like, the price we may have to pay. 

I had prayed and prayed in the days leading up to Grant's appointment and a few very close to us, had fasted with me for him. But in those moments leading up to that appointment tears, were the only words spoken...

So many tries...side effects or no affect or risk too high...an effective treatment took years to find {a slow motion miracle} the last go around, so now what?

Difficult honesty. But our honesty met with expertise and compassion....

An additional diagnosis.  {mental illnesses can actually co-exist, oh the things we learn...}

"You'll know quickly whether this is going to work or not."

We walk out reassured that we are back on the road, but unsure how quickly we will find a treatment that will work.

We spent dinner Monday reading the four pages of side effects and information {so romantic} of an additional medication and wondered...

Hopeful, but prepared for another slow motion miracle.

But no side effects have come, each day a little calmer than before. This is a first. 

Not sure at what point you can call something a miracle, but I'm calling it...

The battle will come again, that is the nature of Supermans illness, but we'll gratefully take each good day as the come. Thankful for each miracle and each miracle-worker in our lives.














Sunday, January 10, 2016

Sunday. Short and Sweet.


So just as the kids and I are walking out the door, all the lights in the house flicker....odd it's not even stormy out...

As we walk into our small chapel it was oddly dark and quiet, with only the security spotlights shining at each doorway...and the soft chatter of those who had arrived early. "What no wifi ???" (priorities?!?!) Dallyn, mumbles. It is only then that it dons on me, Oh the power's out...

Church begins with no sound system, organ, and only a little light streaming through the windows on a foggy morning....
I'm singing along to the opening hymn "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" and I suddenly, realize how ironically hilarious the lyrics are.... 
Okay I'm the only one that found this hilarious and chuckled through the entire hymn, but come on, HF has to have a sense of humour, cause you can't plan stuff like that....

I had controlled myself by the time it came to Ward Business and beamed a little as Bailey was called to serve as a counsellor in the Young Women's presidency. I instantly remembered being called to the same calling as a twenty year old and how fun and fulfilling that time was in my life and how many of those girls I served are now my dear dear friends. It will be such a great thing for Bailey...

We sang the sacrament hymn and partook of the sacrament, the near darkness adding to its sacredness.

Our Bishop, then announced that Church would end for the day...
Dallyn leans over "Bishop O's my favourite!!!"

A Sunday, short and sweet.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Doing Something.

I spent yesterday afternoon saddled up to my sewing machine after a sweet request came to make adult smocks/bibs for a dear gentleman battling dementia....
These kind of requests have come a few times in the years since I've lost my parents. And although bitter sweet, I love the opportunity to do something....

When mom's decline began I was 21, with three babies under 3, struggling to keep my own head above water, with the demands of a young family...Dad declined for years pushing anyone and everyone away, only after authorities stepped in could help we help, but it was too late. 

There was so little we could do then and I will always wish things could have been different.

But today there is some healing in every opportunity to serve. Compassion and understanding have come from a road already traveled...

I couldn't do it then, but now "doing something" is such a blessing.









Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Parenting, Silently.


Someday I'll tell you the story of why one of the kids assistant principals called us and then called us again for the same reason like two weeks later. And how much I hate it when I am required to parent, publicly....

And another day I'll probably tell you about that time when one of my kids got a registered letter from the Ministry of Justice and how expensive it became for said child....

And then someday I'll tell you about spending night after night researching looking for hope and help for struggles I never saw coming...

And then maybe some day I'll tell you about the other side of joy, when your missionary returns to their same old less than righteous family and things aren't...well celestial...

It's funny to me that we are all so willingly to talk about the awesome, amazing, wonderful things that happen in our lives but when the difficult, weird, overwhelming or shocking things come we are well...silent.

I get it, I've been there when others have harshly judged, condemned or gossiped about someone else's child or family members actions...or heard the "well if they lived in my house " lecture...sometimes silence is just easier...but it shouldn't be that way....we should just love and support one another...

Most of the time my kids are awesome and amazing...but once in a blue moon they floor me and my heart breaks for them, or I'm just mad, it depends...and we deal with it, silently...

So to all the other mothers out there, silently parenting....




A Piece of {ME}AT

When you're the only brother and the baby, you have to gain some wicked quick sarcasm skills in order to avoid being PECKED to death by your four older mothers, I mean sisters....

Dallyn miraculously holds his own....

Dallyn rounds the corner of the dining room, surprised to see Holly, "Oh my gosh! I thought I SMELLED, short! Dallyn, finally a few inches taller than his oldest sister, rubs it in at ever opportunity.

A few minutes later Dallyn's rambling on about something and realizes Holly's staring blankly not listening at all, stops mind ramble....

"I'm not a piece of MEAT Holly! My EYES are up here!!!

I'm raising a bunch of Hooligans, but at least they're funny. 


Friday, January 1, 2016

New Year, New Moto

No resolutions here, we don't believe in them....but we have decided on a new moto for this year....



Ok so even I  roll my eyes at this a little, but let me tell you about the JOY I mean....

Joy is not the same thing as happiness....

We start this year with most of the same challenges as last year, something I'm not entirely HAPPY about. Decembers are always hard on us and if Decembers competed, this December would have come in first. So I'm feeling more winded and overwhelmed, than hopeful.....And since some of our challenges don't give a d$&@ about fresh starts and or new lists, New Years can feel a little daunting...

But there is one thing I need to look a little harder for, JOY....

"Too often we forget that JOY is not the result of blessings; rather it's the result of acknowledging those blessing..."

BUT WITH JOY, WEND YOUR WAY

So even with challenges we face, we continue to receive amazing things. Many, many things to be joyful about and thankful for...

So here's to a year of acknowledging our blessings. 

Happy New Year!!!!