Wait! What?

It started off innocent and all, a few basic questions about Bipolar...not my diagnosis, but I seem to be the resident expert on all things mental and how to get stains out of brand new furniture....

They are questions I'm never quite comfortable with (the mental ones), but usually attack with straight up honesty if I think they are genuine or I change the subject to my latest installment of guess what my stupid brilliant teenagers this week....

The questions felt genuine so I  answered with complete, simple honesty...

After a basic rundown of the illness (minus crayons), I was met with....

"So...he doesn't know the difference between a TRUTH and a LIE...."

Wait! What?!? No that's not it at ALL?

No he's not a sociopath, there is a HUGE difference, he is completely cognisant(probably too big of a word) of his surroundings, the effects his illness has on him and those around him, the chemicals in his brain don't provide an even keel and so he feels emotions differently. He is not and has never been CRAZY!!!...

My rapid attempt to fix the lack of understanding, was a lost cause. I went silent.

The whole interchange rattled me and I kicked myself for allowing the conversation in the first place, I let my guard down...I didn't see it coming....

The lack of education and understanding still astounds me, you have had association with us for years and that's what you thought about my Superman....That's just plain sad.

Man, what a WEIRD week, full misunderstanding...

Isolated

So many things have changed.

We used to get invited to everything.....

But that was before Superman got sick, three years ago.

Now we get left out of a lot....sadly Facebook makes that even more obvious.

(I wish people used more discretion )

I know there have been many times we\ me haven't been able to accept an invitation. 

But now people just don't even ask...

It's isolating when you deal with long term illness...

Put metal I front of that and it's skirting outer darkness....

Then add that we are young parents with old kids, those with with tiny kids see us as their parents and those with adults kids see us as their children....

Oh well, it is what it is... Isolated or not.

Sister Kramer: And Her First Area Is?

And Bailey's first area is....

SAINT JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND!!!!!

She said from the time she got her call, she was pretty sure she would serve in NFLD...and she was right!

"It's so cool here, the culture is AMAZING!"

Her district in the MTC...(she went to elementary school, with two of them, in Raymond)...

{Bailey forgot to tell me when she called from the airport ... Elder David A Bendar visited the MTC and did a Q&A with the missionaries, she said it was so awesome.}

"missionary life is going really well i am happy to be here."

Happy she's happy and happy to see the miracle of missionary in our lives. :)

Emotional Missionary Momma

I was surprised by the emotions that came as we prepared to and then sent Bailey on her mission....

From the time we Mormons are small we sing "I hope they call me on a mission....when I have grown a foot or two..."

 I never imagined I'd have a kid that would grow a foot or two and then actually want to serve a mission....

I was excited for Bailey's desire and supported her decision whole heartedly....But I wondered if it was right for her and if she could do it....

Grant had tried to serve but came home from the MTC on a medical release, never going back. There was a sorrow in that return that was never really acknowledged, but decades later an admitted heart ache...

Its a sensitive subject still and didn't want that heart ache for Bailey...But Mommas worry.

I first saw that she could do it as she tearfully said goodbye at the airport, facing fears and showing the depth of her courage, way braver than her momma....
I struggled to let her go. There was a moment of "But she's mine!!!!" But then there was the quiet remembering that she was Heavenly Father's first and that this good bye was worth the growth....


I then heard it on Mother's Day.... as she told us all about the MTC, "I'm so tired, but it's so AWESOME" and my worries waned even more.

Then in her email last week came "I'm having the time of my life!!!!" and my worries were nearly gone...I think she's got this, I convinced myself....

Then the phone call came from the airport...

I could just feel her excitement and the spirit fill my heart as we talked. I think she has grown, spiritually at  least, 10 years in the last ten days. I was humbled, slightly shocked and amazed, as Bailey shared a testimony and understanding beyond her years...

I am convinced that missionary work is a matter of miracles, Heavenly Father takes special care with His missionaries....That has never been more evident to me than today as I heard my daughter bare a mighty testimony, of the power the Gospel has to change lives...I am humbled by how it has change her and in turn, changed us.

I even got through the entire call without shedding a tear, I may or may not have sobbed after, but I'm claiming joyful tears. :)


Grateful for a Heavenly Father that patiently, calmed and humbled this worried Mom, over and over.

Bailey made it to the mission field this afternoon and I now with certainly that she is exactly where she is supposed to be.

 I'm excited to watch this journey continue...

Last Six {Quiet Book}

Minus a few things, the last six pages are done. :)....{yay me!}

Fishing....

Hungry worm (needs some wood beads)....,

Tic Tac Toe....

Lace a skate (needs ribbon)..,,

Mailbox....

Ice Cream....

Now to figure out how to bind them all together :)

Work in Progress {Quiet Book}

I needed a project....

I decided to make a quiet book...

Yes I am aware my toddlers are rather tall...whatever :)

I stalked Pinterest for inspiration, and just made it up as I went along....Colouring pages make great patterns and felt is forgiving....

I bought 2 meters of felt  and used  my 10" quit square to make 18 blank pages. The rest of it is just scraps and odds and ends I already had....

Here are the first 12 pages... I have 6 to go. All of its a work in progress....

Let's go fly a kite.....  Stretchy arm Robot....

Space.....  Build a Temple....

a-MAZE- ing, there's a marble sewn inside.... Pie crust weaving...

Hair Salon..... Missionaries knock on doors (finger puppets)....

Purse (cash, check book & keys, inside)....  Phone....

Tithing (tithing slip inside).....   Wash the Dishes....

Not sure what the next six pages will be, or how I will bind it together, But it should find a deserving home, by the weekend :)

Something's Hurting

I realized something...

My heart is a little vulnerable....easily hurt, full of doubt, super sensitive....and I don't like it.

I used to be able to handle anything, unaffected ...

I'm not so good at the unaffected part anymore...

Careless words, harsh opinions about those I love, not being valued, talked down to, ignored....

Make my heart hurt.

I'm struggling to find the voice to say.... "Hey, you can't talk to me like that....hey, you can't say that about them....hey you can't brush off my worries or concerns....treat me like I'm incapable....pretend like I don't exist...ignore me.

Maybe it's that I've been through much and have vulnerabilities others don't understand, or maybe it's that those vulnerabilities have taught me that we never have the right to be harsh, insensitive or unkind, ever.

I wish my heart felt stronger and I could find my voice to say, be nice, in a kind way.

Sister Kramer: Time of My Life

We got not one but TWO emails from Sister Kramer today....
(love the all lower case :) )


hi mom hi dad things here are going well..i was able to go through the provo temple this morning with my district and that was amazing! the classes are long but i have really good teachers! i am so glad to be out on a mission im having the time of my life here at the mtc......the weather here has been really dry the last few days but im happy for the sun.   

 love sister Kramer

 

2nd Email (5 minutes after the first)....

 

oh i forgot Elder L. Tom Perry came and spoke to us on tuesday night it was awesome...and i will be able to call from the airport on tuesday but im not sure what time..

 

 

This missionary Mom is Happy, Happy, Happy!!!!

A Sign of Sunshine

Guess who got me the airport sign for Mother'sDay??? She's also the same one who won the favourite child of the day yesterday, by a landslide :) ....

Holly came up to spend the day with me yesterday, since she had to work on Mother's Day.

It was awesome to get one on one time with her and we decided to put a care package together for Bailey....

A box of Sunshine....

Holly was all over it and as we wandered the aisles of Tarjay, I was impressed with her skills..... 

"Don't worry mom, I've inherited a lot of "Robin-tendencies"!!!"

I secretly beamed with pride at the thought of passing on my neuroses ....

After finding all things YELLOW .....

We attached scripture references with the word "sun" in them, to each item and crammed it all into the box without an inch to spare....

We capped the afternoon off with Starbucks and a little reality TV...

Thanks for spending the day with me Starter Child! And thanks for the sign, I will make sure you inherit it too.;)

Hi Mom!

Bailey got to phone home and we had exactly 30 minutes with her!!!! ( the first time MTC missionaries been able to call on Mums Day, amen technology! )

She's still just loving it and can't wait to get to Halifax...she flys out a week from tomorrow.

Her MTC companion is from Vernon, BC and her distict is mostly from Southern Alberta, and they already feel like family....

She thinks the food is like eating "Storehouse" food, but loves the ice cream and chocolate milk on tap...

She's way too tall for the showers...

And has adjusted just fine to the 6:30 am wake up call and the 10 pm lights out (we are shocked)

She shared spiritual experiences from training and bore her testimony...

She can't wait to go to the Provo temple next week...

There were tears of I sure miss you, but this is AWESOME.

She told the rug rats to be good and that she loves them...

And just like that a recording came on "you have 5 minutes left for this call" that startled us and made us laugh...

There were tearful, happy goodbyes...

Best phone call of my life. 

All the worries I had were answered with a "Mom this is AWESOME!"

So happy to watch this journey!

I love you Sister Kramer <3

Oh Yay, Mother's Day ?!?

I'm a Mom....so Mother's Day should be just awesome, right?

 Ummmm No....

Mother's Day and I aren't friends, and might never be.

It's a hard thing to explain...

The joys of motherhood were often lost on me, especially when the kids were tiny...

Sure I loved them, but the whirlwind of sleep depravation, diapers and depression made me count the days until they could just..feed themselves....get dressed...make their own sandwich...Mother's Day then brought feelings of failure and guilt...everybody else loved being a mother? Why didn't I?

Then there was the relationship I had with my own mother in this life...

I was loved. And I knew that when we saw moments of mom's true self, through the fog of illness .But I never had traditional, predictable support or affection and became a caregiver, long before adulthood...so Mother's Day was often heartbreaking as I longed for my Mom lost in the Fog.

Then after Mom died Mother's Day was torchure! Most assumed it was just the grief of losing my Mom, but it was the guilt of still being angry with my Mom. You're not supposed to be angry with dead people. And you are definitely not supposed to be angry with your dead mother on Mother's Day. So every Mother's Day I was certain I would be struck down to HELLO....it took years to not be angry and years to accept that motherhood just felt different for me...

So...I definitely like my kids more now ;) and I know that there will be a chance for me to really know and love my Mom when we meet again and so Mother's Day is no longer torchure but it still makes me sad some.

Happy Feet :)

Took my Mother's Day gift into my own hands this year....

Superman: "Robin, don't you think you've got enough shoes???"

Me: "One can never have too many pairs of VANS, darling..."

Superman: "What other forty year old woman, wears VANS?"

Me: I ain't FORTY, yet!!!!!

And just like that I have TWO new pairs ! I can't decide which one to wear first?

Happy Mums Day too me! :)

First Email Home :)

We didn't expect an email home so soon...So this was a wonderful surprise yesterday......

hey mom and dad things here are crazy but amazing i love it here so i with be calling home on sunday at 2:00 YOUR time so be home please i will tell you all about it then love you and tell everyone i love them i will talk to you soon

love bailey

 

 

This apparently is the first time missionaries are able to phone home on Mother's Day from the MTC (missionary training center). Can I hear an amen for technology, please!!!!

 

Just so happy for her!!!!

 

{btw...I know I have other children and a Superman and I promise not to just blog about Bailey ;) Sorry, not sorry :) }

 

 

The Send Off

We knew Bailey was to be set apart by our Stake President Sunday evening, at the Stake Centre in Nanaimo and that meant we had to leave home by 3:30...

It was Fast Sunday and because the Kramers never seem to plan ahead, we pile in the van and are half way to Nanaimo and in the middle of telling everybody to shut it and stop fighting (awesome kids awesome) when it dawns on us that NO ONE HAS EATEN a thing all day....

We make it to the Stake Centre a few minutes before the SP and the kids realize there is a baptism happening down the hall....The rug rats start begging, like kids on Christmas, to crash the Baptism...Not for the experience but for the refreshments....ummmmm NO!

They then start goofing off, minus the almost missionary, completely ignoring our STOP IT's....

We are a moment away from low-blood sugar psychosis when Pres W walks in, and everyone suddenly has  stepped out of a Mormon Ad poster....{angels singing}

We file into his office and the fact that Bailey is really, really going to be a missionary hits us all, as we find enough chairs

Excited, sad, neurvous, happy, honoured, humbled...

Grateful for a SP who knows us well, our hearts and our journey...and knew what we needed to hear to calm our fears and open minds to the blessing at hand.

Pres W and Grant set Bailey as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

{Sweet Words}

She would be helped and protected and my heart knew she could do this and so could we...

Bailey was ready to go fourth and serve.

She was now a missionary and we were now a missionary Mom & Dad....

The low blood sugar psychosis hit as soon as we got back in the van, and we relented and stopped for dinner...(the ox was in the mire, we need to work on that, I know ;) ) 

The ride home was peaceful and I could not get over how green everything is on the island right now, and the sun breaking thru the clouds, it was a little piece of heaven on earth.

Before we knew it, morning came and we were on our way to the airport....

This photo says it all....

It was humbling and heartbreaking to say goodbye....joy and sorrow at the same time. My hardest mom moment yet...

Watching all the rug rats say tearful good byes made me sad and grateful...I saw the depth of their love for each other for the first time and felt joy for that and sadness for their hurting hearts...

And within moments she was headed thru security and my tears just flowed...

Humbled by Bailey's  courage as she left to serve The Lord, her desire to serve him, overcame all her fears..

It is a brave thing our missionaries do...

She made it thru 4 airports and security and customs and made it to Utah, where my sister took over :)

Sad to see her go, but thrilled she can serve.

Today I'm fine....I may or may not have sobbed as I picked up her dirty laundry and made her bed...but I'm fine ;)

Being Brave

We have spent the last weeks and months preparing Bailey to serve a mission....

Suitcases are packed, documents are in order, a few last hoorays have been had and farewells have been said....now as the busyness of all the preparations have settled the reality of the task ahead has landed on our shoulders....

Bailey will set aside the things of the world for eighteen months to bring others unto Christ....

We will let or daughter go, trusting that The Lord will watch over her and keep her safe....

This takes a bravery and courage we are only know understanding.

She has never flown before, or gone through customs solo before, or been a missionary before...

And we have never said goodbye to a missionary daughter before...

This is all BRAVE new territory for us. I'm overjoyed, but dreading the farewell. There have been so many difficult goodbyes in my life, and I don't want this to be one of them.

"We have to remember.....She will be set apart ( as a missionary) and Heavenly Father will help her....and He will help us too." Superman said.

Be a missionary and being a missionary parent is an act of BRAVERY, I just hope I'm brave enough, come Monday.

Zip It!

Holly wanted some solo sister time with Bailey, before we put her on the plane....

They headed to the West Coast and decided to try zip lining for the first time. (They did not inherit my fear of falling or heights)

Looks like my crazy kids had a blast!

 

So grateful these two made it to adulthood, still liking each other.

 

Way to go you crazy kids!!!!

 

Carnies

I needed the house to stay spotless for Sunday, so Saturday we sent all of the rug rats to the fair, on our dime. Five hours of silence. Worth every penny. Last sibling outing before Bailey leaves, looks like they had a blast. (See they can get along!)