Friday, August 31, 2012

But, I Don't Want to be Sad....

I have hated filling out forms since the moment I had more two in school....I usually have writer's cramp all of September...{SIDE TRACK: In a million words or less describe your child...Oh please....Am I a bad parent when I can only come up with 37 words???}

That writer's cramp has come a bit early....

The last week or so has been nothing but forms:

Birth Certificates
California Retirement Forms

The paperwork is overwhelming and I am not even on the front line of it (Thanks to my best sister, Kelli)

{So nobody ever told California that my Mom died (Nearly nine years ago), So we have the delightful task of untangling and settling both estates at the same. And let me just take a moment to congratulate the state of California for their amazing clear as mud approach to estates and probate (Insert eye roll here). 'Cause like totally yeah, grief ain't hard enough}

"Please accept our deepest condolences at this time of loss..." Standard form letters, Now for both parents at the same time. Weird. The reality that they are both gone, staring us right in the face.

This week I realized grief has no time line, 5 months or 9 years, that piece of my heart still aches. No anger, just....


Tears are never to far from the surface. I really don't want to be the grown up right now. I don't want to be...


We leave in four weeks to clean out my childhood home. It's been twenty years since I have faced that home. I pray my heart is ready.  It's time for healing.

Life doesn't slow down when you are SAD. Not when you are a Krazy Kramer, ....

 I hate to admit how overwhelmed I feel right now. Is praying for Halloween to come early sacrilegious???

My heart knows I am not alone in this, even when my head tries to tell me otherwise. A dear friend sent this to me, a while ago. {She sees straight thru my inappropieate sarcasm and sun shiny blog posts, DANG her}
I'm not quite ok yet....there I said it.
I'm really kinda sorta SAD.


  1. I'm so sorry, Robin, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. I love you and hope you heal soon. . .

  2. Healing will come...there is no timeline and certainly not one with specific cutoff times that everyone must negoiate.

    Do remember that there are scars with healing. They are there to remind us of the tough times and rocky roads we have travelled. But in that they are also a reminder of our strength and growth and, for me, a blessed reminder of sacred experiences and tender mercies. You wouldn't be a whole human without these experiences.

    Sometimes when I am looking for a comforting hug I go out into the sunshine - (I know it isn't always easy to find here on the coast; but made all the more special when you do find it) - and allow the warmth and strength of the sun to envelope me and let myself think of it as a heavenly embrace from a loving Heavenly Father who just can't be there right now in person.

    Wishing for healing and peace to come your way for now and for what is yet to be dealt with.

    Prayers for you.

    Love Laurie