Tuesday, October 23, 2012

You've Changed! The Blessing of Courage :)

“None of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us-- Insecurities, anxieties, poor self-image, and all. He doesn't measure our talents or our looks; He doesn't measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland, The Other Prodigal, April 2002

I heard this quote again in a Relief Society workshop several months ago...I have heard it used several times before, in many different settings, the "race is against sin, not each other" is the part that always stood out every other time I heard it. But this time I heard something I hadn't paid attention to before, stuck out ...

He doesn't measure our talents or our looks; He doesn't measure our professions or our possessions...

Okay I did understand the "looks" part and the "possessions" part before. But for the first time I heard "he doesn't measure our talents and professions part...I had not realized that before (It's that whole sleeping through Seminary thing, isn't it?). It gave me a lot of pause for thought...And that part of the quote has played on repeat in my mind many times over the last several months....

Rewind: My Superman is a busy man....Is the patriarch of a big family of teenagers who won't stop growing, showering, talking, eating, fighting or laughing....Is the first councilor in the Bishopric, a calling he loves and is (was) an Assistant Manager for the largest retailer in the world, a job that took 50-60-70 hours/ week, but a position he was proud of, and had worked hard for...

Then fifteen months ago an illness that we had thought was long behind us, reared its head (damn you :(: ) We knew things would have to change, but our main focus for that time was getting through this unwanted and unexpected relapse. My Superman hung on (by his finger nails) to his family, his faith, his calling and his job...

The loving support of friends and wise doctors made survival possible for all of us...

Back in early summer Grant sat in the doctors office overwhelmed with all that was piled upon his plate....As our wise doctor (this guy is amazing) listened he stooped Grant and said... "None of my happy pills will fix you...I couldn't even do all that you do (big family, demanding job, big Church responsibility) and I'm healthy...you have to make changes in your life and lessen the STRESS...more pills won't fix that, you have to fix that....

We talked longer..."church" to the doctor seemed like the easiest thing to drop...Grant and I knew that wasn't the answer for us, but completely understood how the DR would see it that way....Grant's calling to the bishopric has been one of our greatest blessing...it has been a blessing of protection and many times the only source hope we had...We left that doctor's office grateful, but overwhelmed by the choices ahead of us....

We were walking the several blocks back to Grant's work when he said..."Robin, It's the last day I can apply for the TLE manager at work." What?? No!!! You have worked so hard to keep your position...People will see it you stepping down...We can't afford it....I thought he had lost his mind (more ;)) I was so angry I turned and walked the opposite direction home as he said "Robin I know it's what I have to do"...As I cried all the way home that part of the quote, played on repeat in my mind...

He doesn't measure our talents or our looks; He doesn't measure our professions or our possessions...

Stop it!!!....My faith was the last thing I wanted thrown at me, in that moment I was too mad at my Super hero....But I really knew it was MY problem. I was proud of my husbands job and accomplishments I took great pride in that...It boiled down to my pride and what I thought others would think, instead of being worried about Grant's best interests first...I was worried about me and my fear of change....

By the time Grant came home several hours later I had calmed down enough to apologize and as he told me he had applied for the position, I felt a complete sense of calm and knew he had done the right thing....

The position switch has taken several months..... This is the first week Grant is the TLE manager, absolutely none of my worries have materialized...We will be fine financially, people at work have been nothing but understanding and I have watched my husbands stress level plummet...

He has every Sunday off now, is home for dinner(crap I now have to make it) and only works 'til 8 pm one night a week...

Blessings.....because Grant had the courage to make a change. I love that man.

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