Monday, January 14, 2013

Honesty's Risk is Judgement

I desperately want to blog about something funny...funny is so much easier to share than hurt. There is funny in my life, lots of it. Grandpa Bruce said something to Dallyn to night that made me fall out of my chair, really. But it's my father in law and of course it cannot be repeated in public...But I am still laughing, appropriate or not I love that side of him.

And oh yeah i need to apologize profusely for spraying a mouthful of lemonade all over our rockin' friends in Boston Pizza the other night. It. was. hilarious. and apparently can't hold my lemon flavoured beverages. In my defense what my friend said was dang funny and again unrepeatable and she kinda maybe deserved it ;) Having to ask for extra napkins was slightly embarrassing I must admit.

But the honest answer is a tough one right now. Truth be told Superman's illness is not cooperating no mater what we throw at it right now and witnessing the battle is heartbreaking, there have been many private tears and tough decisions because of it. I had someone actually say they were surprised our marriage survives this over again and over again. Well our marriage is not the problem, its the illness that disappoints us, not each other.

When things are really unstable like this its hard to focus on anything else. I want to just climb in a cocoon and say wake me up when the sun is shining again. Its hard to let people in to help. To admit how hard it really is for both of us. Honesty's risk is judgement. We have nothing left for judgement. But I'm tired and at my breaking point.

I have been more honest in the last week than I have in years, This. is. so. hard. My honesty has been met with empathy and love for the Superman and me. The worry is still there and there will be some long weeks ahead but there is a glimmer of hope and that's all we need to keep trying. We have been so blessed by the friends in our lives. they really are our angels. Thank you my friends and please keep my Superman in your prayers.

And lets hope the kids do something hilarious at the dinner table tomorrow, cause that's what y'all really want to read about know isn't it. :)


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