A couple of weeks ago Grant was asked to speak at Saturday evening session of our Nanaimo Stake Conference. I told him that's what he gets for answering an email from the Stake Presidency (secretly I was just grateful it was him and not me :). The two weeks that followed accepting the invitation to speak were down right chaotic in this house. Kidney Stones, Bronchitis, insane work hours...so just a few days before Saturday I started asking Grant if he was preparing his talk.
He kept saying he had it all in his head and it would be fine "Don't Worry!" Then he said " I could always just sing a hymn"...Grant knows this is a huge pet peeve of mine...People singing when they have been asked to speak, If they wanted someone to sing, they would have asked for it...Don't sing unless that is your specific assignment. Sorry I almost got off on a tangent there. Grant loves to bug me but I did tell him " If you break into song, I'm outta there" My Superman thought that it was hilarious,over the next few days, to say things like "I think I Stand All Amazed would be nice" or "What about I Need Thee Every Hour?"
I didn't even know what topic Grant had decided to speak on. Friday evening Grant did sit down for about an hour and put a few pages of notes together. When I asked to see them he said I would hear it all tomorrow...and for some reason I respected that and didn't bug him any more or worry.
Saturday evening when they announced the order of the program...Grant was the first speaker. He was to speak right after Michelle sang Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Grant is a tender-hearted guy and that Hymn is one of his favourites. My thought was I hope this isn't a repeat of the Christmas Fireside last year...lets just say our whole Ward knows to have Kleenex ready for Grant. Saturday Michelle sang beautifully and Grant held it together.
As Grant began his talk I instantly knew why he had kept it close to him. Grant gracefully shared his very personal journey through physical injury, deep depression, addiction, inactivity and his eventual addiction recovery and return to full activity in the gospel. None of this has ever been a secret or any thing we have been ashamed of. We have shared our family's personal journey with many over the years. But this was the first time Grant has shared his journey in a public setting. I was instantly at ease and knew that in the sharing of our journey, others would not feel alone in their own trials. Just as Grant and I had found help and hope in the Gospel, others could as well. Here is one of my favourite quotes Grant used:
“Now, this is the truth. We humble people, we who feel ourselves sometimes so worthless, so good-for-nothing, we are not so worthless as we think. There is not one of us but what God’s love has been expended upon. There is not one of us that He has not cared for and caressed. There is not one of us that He has not desired to save and that He has not devised means to save. There is not one of us that He has not given His angels charge concerning. We may be insignificant and contemptible in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, but the truth remains that we are children of God and that He has actually given His angels … charge concerning us, and they watch over us and have us in their keeping.” (Gospel Truths, comp. Jerreld L. Newquist, 2 vols., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1974, 1:2.)
Speaking at Stake Conference was a very healing experience for Grant. It was a true full circle moment. There were times when I wondered if Grant and I would ever make it through, there were times when the heartache was overwhelming, times when I wondered if change was even possible...The one thing I can say now is that I'm just glad I listened to my heart and hung on. We made it thought because of inspired Priesthood leaders who walked us through the principles of repentance, friends and family who judged not and just loved us and down right stubborn determination. Grant & I still argue over who is the most stubborn :) Ya done good sweet heart and thanks for not singing ;).
thank you for sharing all of that, especially that quote!
ReplyDeletethat was a life changing experience for me. now i know why i received so much opposition just trying to get to stake conference. that day i went for a walk in the woods and sprained my ankle. i was travelling down to nanaimo with a friend and she wouldn't drive. i pushed through the pain and was able to drive. i didn't have a babysitter for Joel and found one at the last moment. the weather was supposed to be pretty bad - lots of wind and rain - and i was concerned about traveling through the Grove. i had been away from joel a lot this week and wondered if i should just stay home and spend more time with him. however i knew i needed to go and i was not going to let anything stop me.
i have been struggling with a few things that are very personal to me and that i thought were only my issues. i was feeling really discouraged because i wasn't good enough and never would be. i prayed and prayed to Heavenly Father for help. i prayed to know He loved me and was aware of my trials and feelings and thoughts. i had trouble feeling anything. so i said extra special prayers begging Heavenly Father to help answer my prayers saturday evening (sunday i knew i would be more distracted with my little one.) i poured out my heart to Him and pleaded that i would feel His love and knowledge of me and my trials.
then came the life changing experience. when Grant got up to speak and then started talking so humbly and bravely his spirit-filled words and story were an amazing answer to my prayer. i was overcome and had trouble just sitting there. i sobbed along with him :) don't apologize for sobbing because it helped me feel the spirit and the sincerity and truth of your words Grant.
i just felt so grateful for him for accepting the assignment, for getting the time off work and being brave enough to share his story. it was so inspiring. i felt right away as Ammon did that i could not say the smallest part which i felt. maybe someone else has felt the same things but Grant was the one that had the courage to speak. he was the one i needed to hear and the one Heavenly Father used to show His love for me. thank you Grant. with all my heart i thank you. thank you Robin for being a great friend and also for the help and support you gave your husband. and i thank my Father in Heaven for helping me know He loves and cares for me.
you are both an inspiration to me, and to all who are blessed to know you. i love you :) Patricia
That was one of the most moving talks I have ever heard. He held the entire congregation in rapt attention. . .no coughing, throat clearing, whispering, or fidgeting. I have NEVER heard the Chapel so utterly silent and engrossed in a talk. I am grateful I had the opportunity to be there and experience it.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I thought Grant spoke with such grace and poignancy. I have heard his and your story before but despite this I felt, along with everyone else: Riveted. Understood. Not Alone. Uplifted. Thank you Grant.
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