Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Why Not, Nebraska?

Nebraska?...why couldn't  Dad have lived in Nebraska? Then, when I say we're headed to Nebraska in 10 days...NOBODY would say..."Oh you must be so excited to go to Nebraska" Then I wouldn't have to explain to anyone ,that, for me, there is no excitement, the trip and the task ahead is daunting. And other than needing a passport does not resemble a vacation, anymore than an appointment with the gynecologist resembles a day at the spa.

But no,  50 years ago my parents decided to chase their California dream. So it's not Nebraska it's California. The land of botox and dreaming.

And I think I'm the only one one the planet, who would rather go to Nebraska.

"Well at least you get to go to Disneyland?"

Losing another parent and cleaning out another house... sure, Disneyland seems like a adequate consolation prize. I know that's not what people mean. But its where my heart and head are right now.

I left California for the last time 20 years ago, never intending to return. I did my best to put California and my childhood home behind me. The chaos and heartache of that place is something only my Sister and I understand.

I moved foreword and have a family and home that in no way resemble the home of my childhood. I know am so BLESSED.

But accepting the reality that I must return to California and that home still is a hard one.

The only consolation...This will be the first time in more than six years that our families will be together. The very first time cousins will meet cousins. The task at hand is daunting ....but it will be daunting together. I just wish it was in Nebraska.


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