A {Mentally ill} AMEN

 Someone said something in Relief Society today that I could have jumped up  and said AMEN. AMEN. AMEN to....

A reminder to be kind and cautious with those who are going through really hard things.

It's somthing that has needed to be said for a long time and made me istantly think of a line from a favourite hymn....

"In the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see"

We all struggle, some thngs we can hide and somethings we can't....and our hearts all feel sorrow diferently, even in the same trial. Here's what I know...Hard is hard and we need not compare or try to measure our heartache against anothers. Heartache is heartache and hard is hard. We can either help heal each other or we can hurt each other....

We face mental illness...but it could be any heartache really.

So please, I'm begging you....

DON'T  tell me I ROCK or deserve a medal for putting up with my husband's illness....
-He did not choose to get sick. To assume that he chooses this illness, just shows your judgement. Would you tell the wife of a diabetic the same thing???


DON'T give me medical/psychiatric advice unless we ask you....
We have AWESOME professionals on our side...and unless you can play scrabble with the letters behind your name, I won't listen any way.


DON'T ask personal questions about health, work/financial status or medications in a public gathering...
Would you ask "so how's that vaginal bleeding going?" to the person ahead of you at the check out, buying tampons??? (The right answer is NO) Then please don't do it to me, my husband or our kids

DON'T quote scripture or give me cliche sayings....
-Look I can google/pinterest like the rest of y'all, I know you're not meaning too, but it feels like you are implying that my testimony is weak or that I lack understanding of gospel principles.

DON'T tell me about your aunt's sisters neighbours cousins friends experience with being down in the dumps for a few weeks when they lost their teddy bear ....
-I know you re trying to show sympathy, but it only shows you don't understand how serious what we are facing is.

DON'T tell me what YOU would do...
-Chances are if you don't know at least two of my kids middle names AND have seen me in a bathrobe AND/OR been in my house when its a complete pig sty..your opinion means NOTHING to me.

DON'T expect me to tell you everything....
-There are just a few I am COMPLETELY honest with, they are dear friends who's friendships came long before our current struggles.

DON'T tell me about this CRAZY bipolar person you once knew, who did something awful.....
-You are just adding to the stigma we face everyday.

DON'T tell me you could NOT handle what I go through....
-Yes you could...Most of us have little to no choice in the trials we face. We handle what we are thrown because there is no other way around but straight through. You find the depth of your strength in the struggle, not in avoiding it.

DON'T assume it's all GOOD when you see us with our Sunday faces on....
-"Well he looks fine to me." If you had an idea that is taking all the strength in the world, just to pull the public face off.

DO tell him/ me you LOVE us OFTEN
-No one hears this enough, mental illness plays havoc with self image, esteem and perception, So remind us often.

DO educate yourself.
-Google is your friend! We can handle the illness, its dealing with non understanding, uneducated people that sucks the life out of us.

DO include us.
-Sadly we have been excluded and lost a few friends through this journey (yes their loss...but). The illness itself is isolating enough and we want what everyone does...to feel loved, accepted and included

DO pray for us.
-Prayer works miracles...it also acknowledges our struggle in a profound way. If you don't know how to help us, pray for guidance

DO hug us.
-I can't tell you how many times a hug has said more than words could...and given us strength to continue.

DO listen.
-It's not that I need you to fix it, I just need a chance to get it off my chest....

DO treat us like we are "normal"
-My Superman is not crazy and is perectly aware of what is happening...the chemical imbalance  in his brain effects the way he feels, copes with and responds to emotions. It has not affected is spirit or his ability to love and help others.

DO let me say NO
-if I say NO... I can't, we can't do something or go somewhere...give me that out, without guilt. I have become much more aware and accepting that there are limits.

DO ask often.
-It's so hard when some one who should know what's happening, chooses not ask how we are. So ask us how we are, often.

OK, I just fell off my soap box, vent over :)

Please let's help heal one another. kay :)