Rocky roads...the "this is my life" kind, not the ice cream flavour.... We all experience them. Times when we wish we were anywhere, but where we are standing...
Six weeks ago we returned from Utah after saying our final goodbyes to my Dad, to a house I had lived in for less than four days, the Superman could no longer pretend that he was "F.I.N.E.(freaked out. insecure. neurotic. emotional)" and needed some readjustments, I was overwhelmed and scared ....Nothing in our lives had slowed down...I just watched a second parent die, tormented. Wasn't that enough, for now....guess not.
For more than 3 weeks I prayed that Grant would get better and that my grieving would stop and that we would be happy. But the feelings of anger and resentment and commotion only increased in our home. The kids were at each other, the Superman and I were at each other. I just couldn't figure out how to fix it or even where to start...
Then the distinct thought came, pray and be specific....But I have PRAYED, trust me I had....I had prayed constantly that Grant would be better and my grievung would stop. But nothing had changed....Then this thought, but that's not what you need....If we don't need that,then what do we need ??? Peace in your home.
PEACE, Exactly what we needed....I had been praying our challanges would change thinking they were the source of all our problems, they weren't the problem at all....So I begain to pray specificly for peace and ways to find it....Things haven't been perfect {"You probably wish I would drown in the shower, don't you?!?" was said to me tonight by a rather disgruntal teenage offspring, (to stop yelling yes, drowned no :)} But we have seen many tender mercies this week...Prayers and blessings answered. Problems haven't disappeared but ways of coping with them have come. Peaceful hearts have opened listening ears and brought a quiet calm, in our still very loud house. GRATITUDE
How grateful I am for the lesson on peace and purposeful prayer.
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