Thursday, September 4, 2014

Surviving My Scholars

So after this stellar dinner conversation the other night....
 { Me: So what are things y'all want to learn about???? Dallyn: Sex. Alex: Hitler}

My two brilliant scholars continued the conversation and Alex handed me this Newberry material.....

Oh. My. Heavens!!!! Where have I gone wrong???? (don't write the list, I already know...too much red Kool-Aid and Kraft dinner....not breastfed....babysat by Barney....)
Well I guess they just handed me my "lesson plan " for the next few days/weeks/????....
1. Sex....a review  and discussion of the Sexual Purity section of "For The Strength of Youth
2. Schindler's List, research and discuss the Holocaust
3. Origami.....I still remember being taught how to make a paper balloon in 4th grade....they will need to teach me a few new ones.
4. Clarinet (my most hated instrument!!!)....the history of the woodwinds and how to read the clarinet part on a symphony score. (you are welcome Dad)
5. Perogie Casserole...(my epic culinary failure the family won't let me live down) how to make real perogies from scratch.
6. Their Phones....the history of the telephone, how to use a rotary phone and pay phone...essays entitled  "Why I will not become an entitled teenager"....the dangers of texting and driving.
7. Dance (not like Beyonc√©)....the Waltz...the Foxtrot...the Cha Cha...all those years Mom sent us to Etiquette School (I know you can totally tell, I am the epitome of grace and elegance ) finally paying off.
8. Getting kick out of Walmart....??? Fill out an ACTUAL job application.
9. Good Jokes: Watch an afternoon of Brian Regan.   
10. Pinterest...First I am NOT a Pinterest junkie. (ok maybe I am)...pick an education experiment on Pinterest and do it. (as long as it doesn't involve glitter or explosives)
11. Splits... go out with the Sister missionaries....split firewood...
12. Make of ALL the General Conference talks I can find on sexual purity.
13. $100...donate $100 (that they earn by working for me) to a charity they choose.
14. Milk...research how milk is processed
Field Trips
1. East Hastings....take blessing bags to the soup kitchen
2. The Graveyard....get to know a dead relative through, find a name to take to the Temple.
3. McDonalds....we will take you you can get a JOB!!!!
4. Cat shopping...did that already...find out what courses you need to take to become a cat psychologist. Become a cat psychologist.
HELP.....they are slowly plotting my next diagnosis and admittance to the nearest mental institution.  I'm seriously not meant to parent full time in any month with an R in it.
Nope... I'm really not surviving my scholars.


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