Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Do You Know What You Have?

I have to admit, I watch friends (people not the show) who have both parents in their lives still, with admiration, longing and a little bit of envy. I hope you know what you have, and Cherish it, I often think. Its not that I am bitter or jealous, actually far from it. It's just that my journey with my mom and now my dad have taught me to value family.

Instead of talking with my dad about the crazy antics his teenager grandchildren are up to, I am answering questions like. Now when is your birthday? Now where does Grant work? Now how long ago did your mom die? over and over again.

Instead of my Dad enjoying retirement....I hear the anger, confusion and frustration in his voice as struggles through his mail or tries to make an appointment.

Instead of imagining what exotic trip he might plan next I am wondering if he is still able to care for his daily needs, will he remember how to get back from the grocery store?, I can't remember the last time he was able to visit with a friend or go to a concert? who is going to call me next expressing worry and concern ? How do you help some one who refuses all help?

At what point is enough, enough? At what point do we force the issue. At what point do we parent our parents. I wish I knew the answers. I wish I could just pretend like every thing's FINE, and it doesn't bother me. But it does, a lot sometimes.

I feel so sad for him, I feel a deep since of loss for the man he once was. I am really beginning to hate having to go through the long good bye a second time.

So cherish your parents and no I am not wearing rose coloured glasses, thinking that everyone else's situations and relationships are perfect...I am sure they are for from it. Just cherish what you have.  Ask lots of questions. Find out as much as you can about them. The good, the bad and the crazy. There may come a day when that information is no longer at your fingertips...

I spent almost a year, several years ago asking my Dad a few questions about his life, each time he phoned. I kept a note book by the phone and jotted down his responses. I now treasure that information. So will his grandchildren.

It is sad, but regardless I have a very fulfilled and blessed life. My parents reality does not determine my destiny.  That's entirely up to me :) .......Plus, blogging is cheaper than therapy :)

Next post will be how Robin nearly broke ker own finger today....I know, I can't wait either :)

1 comment:

  1. You are so right sometimes we do not treasure the special people in our lives till they are no longer there. My parents passed at 50 and 57 years and I did always treasure and love them but never knew how much I would miss them in my life and the lives of my children. Take care